Being Me

So this is my first evening of no TV and no reading.... This is quite tricky and I have found myself being caught out a couple of times already!

F and I cooked a nice meal and then watched the end of a film on my laptop while eating. He then went of to do his thing, leaving me TV and book less. What to do?

I am in the process of a necklace at the moment for my niece but I can't carry on with it right now. I need some more glue, a special glue which can be precisely applied and is flexible once dry. I have some but the nozzle has come off making it hard to apply precisely, not that there is much left. The necklace is a celtic knotwork cross from a new book I have on ornamental knots for jewellery making (actually I have a series of three books and they are lovely). The knots are shown using braid rather than a string of beads. I have discovered the hard way that tigtehing these knots when tied with a string of seed beads is tricky... After several restarts I am going to try making and tigthening the knot in stags which will be far more complicated but at least I can glue and knot and then hide the knots.... So I am stuck on that.

Other current projects either involve going into my craft hole which is not a nice thought because it needs tidying or exercising skills I am not sure I have right now. I need to seal the edge of some cotton using embroidery thread to do something like they do for button holing. Not done it before though but must get on it....

So not feeling crafty and too stuffed and tired to do any thing strenuous...

I end up finding tunes on youtube and then I realise I have fallen into the reading trap as i am sat there reading about Kurt Cobain. Eek! What else to do.... I ended up making my first ever youtube playlist. So now I am sat here listening to it and enjoying it muchly!

I have found since I started doing TAW that I have realised I still have many of the same passions and tastes I did when i was younger.... This playlist is all grunge and alt rock mostly from about the time I did my A-levels (late teens). At that time I was a little goth chick with slight hippy and rock tendencies. So was my Sister.

When my family was down recently, I discovered my very young teen niece wants to go Goth. Having conversations about this with my Sis was amusing because my Sis doesn't want her to have black nail varnish... I don't see the harm but I am not in charge.

I decided to look up goth style and see if things had changed. They havn't really. There are new bands and things but it is still as I fondly rememebr it all. There is a newer cyber goth look which has apparently emerged from the crossover between goth and trance. It kind of hits me that i was there when that was happening, when it was all emerging. I was part of that. And I still love it all.....

i no longer have the desire to go clubbing in quite such exhibitionist clothing but I like the goth look and I still love that whole scene and a bit of grunge thrown in as well. I shan't be encouraging my niece to follow my wilder clothing ideas, for those she will have to wait till she has left home I expect, I know I did. But I can encourage her in other ways, I can help her express herself and her idea of style. I can look out my old goth posters including my lovely, lovely orginal poster from 'The Crow' and see if she wants them. I can look out some of my old accessories such as long gloves and black scarves and things and see if there is anything she fancies. This years pressies can have a black theme....

But what about me? How do I get where I want to be? Looking at the things I think would be fun (extreme and outdoor sports) as oppose to those i think are relaxing (crafts) I guess I really do need to lose weight. I can't start dressing like an 20 year old goth again, but I do need to find away to wear clothes I like rather than those the world seems to think plus size women should like. I can listen to the music I like more. Maybe if the TV isn't on then music can be. I so loved music, the first thing I would do when I woke up at that age was put some music on, closely followed by lighting up (I don not want that habit back!).

So I am going to clear out my wardrobe one night this week. I have it on my list of things to do anyway but it is a TAW exercise for this week. I have a wardrobe full of things I wore once I moved down to Cornwall and started to dessert my rock chick ways. They need to go. Even if I could fit into them, i don't want to wear them. My old tasseled tops and tie died shirts and long flouncy skirts are all long gone from years of wear. They have been replaced with casual office wear (ick) and jeans and t-shirts of no particular style...

I want me back.

Even better, F doesn't have any issues with the rumblings I am making. He seems quite happy to let me make cosmetic changes....