Friday, 1 January 2010

Playing Games

Two days in a row!

I think my re-immersion in the world of gaming is waning slightly. It is no secret to me that I have previously had a gaming addiction. When you game it can take over. There is always something interesting to do. There is always someone around.

I stopped playing because I got bored. Because I wanted my life back. Things had happened and we had left our friends and gone to a different server where we were unknown. On returning we returned to our old server and found many old friends. The ones we liked less seem to have vanished and certainly have no impact on us now.

I am avoiding progressing through the game too quickly because my issues stemmed from that. Raiding is an activity where a whole bunch of people get their characters together and go fight together. The people in the group take different roles, they have different strengths and weaknesses. For instance healers spend their time healing. I was a warrior and my role was tank. I had huge amounts of armour and my job was to make everything angry so it attacked me and not the less armoured people who could do lots of damaged. The healer would be tasked with keeping me standing and everyone depended on me.

A lot of tanks have big egos and at the very least they have enough certainty in themselves to lead the groups they are in. I wanted others to lead but was happy to tank. I never pretended to be an amazing tank and never wanted to be part of big raiding guild and be their main tank. A lot of people would love that. Not me.

My trouble began because I found myself in a guild (a group of people affiliated with each other for things such as raiding) that wanted to raid and wanted me to be right up there with them. I was not up to it and slowly crumbled under their attentions.

So now, here I am again and the initial grip of the game is waning. Enough so I am back in control. I can turn that computer off or do other things on it. Like read books and things. Go for walks. Whatever I want.

I happily put myself back into this. With everything going on, a little immersion and avoidance seemed like a good thing. It has been a good thing for me right now. I wish I was so sure this return was a good thing for F though. I am not sure being sat at a computer in the same room as him, also sat at a computer is really together time. Things will turn in their circle though.

I have found my time blogging and all things I did because of it has helped my game playing though. I do roleplaying. My characters are separate from me, with their own stories. I am finding that their characters and stories are flowing far more easily, they have a life of their own. My current character is different from previous ones because she is not just a version of myself. She may draw on previous experiences of mine but her story is her own and I have no idea where it will take her.

I just want my life to be balanced and I see no reason why a little gaming can't be part of a healthy life.

This year I am asking for nothing. I have no expectations. I am not trying to do or be or achieve anything. I did lots of that last year. Not that that was wrong but this year is a very different year and the path is going to go some very different places. I am not saying it is going to be a bad year. The past few years have been a bit samey, but everything in me says this year is not going to be the same. I think many things are going to happen this year and I don't know what or why or anything but there is something about this year. I have the sense that this year is going to be different. A little gaming will not interfere with my path but it might make things easier. Wonder where I am going. Maybe nowhere. Maybe to Timbuktu.