Sunday, 26 July 2009

Leader / Manager

As I have said before, F doesn't have a problem with living with a logical / mathematical / sciencey type of a woman. He may not be those things but in many ways, what he is, is far more useful. In Gardeners' multiple intelligences he would definitely come up as gifted in interpersonal intelligence. He has an easy way with him that charms people and sets them at ease.

I love it because when we are together it rubs off on me a little and people are 'easier' with me. I take time to get to know people and it can take a while before I really relax with people and with some, I never do. With him however I find myself giggling at the check outs with the shop assistants. I really value his intelligence.

What surprises me sometimes is that he values mine and knows how to make use of it. He doesn't resent it, but he knows what I enjoy, what I am good at and how to use that to help us both. He is the leader but I am the manager in this relationship. He supplies direction and interesting tangents and I organise stuff. The role of overall boss switches between us depending on what we need.

We live in a badly organised house that needs a fair bit of work. We need changes in furntiure in many rooms because a lot of it is what we inherited and doesn't work for us at all. One example is our bedroom. I inherited a beautiful matching set, bed, bedside cabinets, dressing table and stool, his and hers wardrobes - all giant and dark. We desperately want it all gone, as well as the third giant dark wardrobe in our bedroom. We want a bed, a fitted wardrobe along one wall and my old trunk in the window.... The giant double spare bed needs to go and be replaced with a sofa bed so we have room, but still have the ability to have people over, and move all my bookcases upstairs.

Now he is earning more than me, we have the ability to slowly start changing things but there is so much to do. So much junk to get rid of or sell at the car boot. So much furniture to get rid of and replace. I don't always feel like doing stuff. When F does stuff he often doesn't prioritise quite as i would like or leaves things undone that make things more tricky... but he does do stuff (unlike me, mostly). When I do something I really get it sorted but it is a slightly exhausting process....

A while back f told me to sort out how it should all be done, what order. I didn't actually think he meant it and I didn't do it. Yesterday F made it clear that he was a little narked by this, that he really did want me to write lists and prioritise and organise... The house is a delicate jigsaw and we need to make space in such and such a place before we can move that. I still havn't done it, but then he won't be home till tomorrow and I am going to go do it now....

If i tell him what needs doing, it might just get itself done.... but only because he told me to go manage...


  1. Your relationsip sounds like a really good working combination I am surprised that you find it difficult to be easy with people. You sound so friendly and intelligent in your writing that one just assumes that you are that way in your life.

    Good luck with your list.

  2. I clam up with strangers I think, I just don't relax or let them anywhere near 'me'. He makes me feel safer and more relaxed I think, which helps me be more accessible.

    We do work well together and I am a lucky lady...