A journal style blog about the life of someone starting out as a practicing Hedgewitch.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Today and yesterday have both been nice days. I have enjoyed work. I have enjoyed being with my colleagues. Why the sudden change? Little Princess hasn't been there....
I have been thinking about the reasons for this a lot...
When there is someone I don't much know / trust / like around I let my more guarded face show. The easy going banter I used to partake in at work slowly dried up but with her gone from the corner, I was able to have more of a laugh and a joke again.
When someone is being slack and not working, it makes me feel like I have to make a point of working. I achieved just as much today as any day when I am being obviously hard working to make a point but I had way more fun doing it. If she had been there, not very much extra work would have been accomplished.
She is a quietly manipulative lady and her little clique has slowly separated away from the rest of us. Without her they have slowly rejoined us and there has been banter between us again, like there used to be before she came. Never mind that within her clique there is a fair bit of gossiping, tale telling and back stabbing, they don't see that... She doesn't care about me so she doesn't care that she plays out both sides of her game in front of me... *sigh*
A member of staff has been accused of being a bad influence on her but I think it is the other way around because so much more work got doen without her there....
Apart from her effect on my work place (which is more than enough reason to dislike her) I think there are other reasons for disliking her... She loves celebrity and all things pretty. She spends a lot of money on making herself look good. It isn't about health, just surface veneer. She is one of those women who do the whole naive, innocent, I need looking after thing and smiles a lot, mostly at the men. They all fall over themselves to help her... All the things she seems to value in life or spend her time doing seem to be things I find shallow and with little meaning beyond simple hedonistic escapism.
I dislike the way she talks about the people in her life. I dislike the way she talks about most things really. The same story over and over again about her boyfriend for instance.... Her presence in the office and therefore the conversation, alters the group dynamic and conversation. It all becomes much more shallow and orientated around her.
Now I know she is an insecure young lady who on the one hand has been spoilt but on the other neglected by the same people but at different times. I know no one has shown her that there is other meaning in life. Maybe one day she would be different enough that we would have some things in common.
But today I am thankful that I had two lovely fun days at work where we all got our jobs done in a nice, happy, fun environment. I am thankful that she has not been able to alter the way I feel about the others I work with. I am glad that she has not changed the way I feel about my job, not really. I am grateful that I have not let difficult personal relations drive me away from a job as I have previously (one of the joys of temp work is being able to leave if things are ever less than nice). I am grateful for the opportunity to show that I am stronger and more determined and that if and when I do leave, it will be because I chose to, not because I turned tail and ran.