A couple of things came together today....
I had a conversation with a colleague which all started with a discussion about how an ex-colleague had once had a spookily accurate reading by a medium. My colleagues do not know of my leanings. The word witch has come up at work a few times but always in connection with an unpleasant female person. Such stereotypes and religious hatred! *laugh*
Anyway. We talked about people we had known who had a gift. The person who could pop discs back in using the power of their mind without even touching them. The psychic who gave the reading to the ex-colleague. The 'not all there' person on the bus who suddenly 'cleared' and asked me why I had been washing my hands so much (I had been cleaning that day).
One person had told my colleague about how the gift had been passed to them by their Grandfather. I asked my colleague if they had a gift and they said no. For some reason I pushed it and they admitted to something quite unexpected. They have a gift, an unusual and subtle gift but still a gift.
The book I started today features a chap with a gift, he is a shapechanger, specifically a werewolf. It is clear that he is torn between his two natures. People see the wolf and wolves see the human so that he fits nowhere. Those that should love him have spurned him and tried to kill him. But still he sees it as a gift and is unable to forgo one half of himself. It is a lovely Charles de Lint book called Wolf Moon....
Back to my conversation. Part of me is convinced I have an undiscovered gift. Another part is convinced I am not special enough to have a gift. Another part wouldn't want the pressure that could come with having a gift. Part of me desperately wants a gift. What if I do have a gift but in my desire to be more, I am overlooking something?
Maybe I don't pay enough credence to some small thing that happens. Maybe I havn't let go enough. Maybe I havn't practiced the right things. Maybe I havn't grown into it yet. Maybe I just don't have a psychic ability.
Ability... Maybe I have a special purpose? I think we all do. It could be something so small seeming to us, maybe to invent a toy that some child uses to beat off an attacker so that they can grow up and do.... A whole chain of nested purposes that we may never know and never understand, not while alive anyway.
I have hunted for a vocation and nowhere int he rat race have I found one. I don't know where else to look for it. So I am not. Not right now. I just have a job. It passes time. It also gives me money.
So no gift and no purpose, not that I know. Is it wrong to want to be special? Is it wrong to want to have meaning?
I would love to hear about the gifts and purposes others have... I would also love to hear if any of you psychics have any idea what mine might be....
Eleventh Blog Anniversary!
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