Pleading Guilty

Still feeling icky today and so is F. The gutting thing is we both arranged to have today off. Some friends are down and we spent yesterday afternoon with them and were supposed to spend today with them to. We were supposed to go visit standing stones and burial chambers and holy wells and all sorts of lovely such things.

I know I can go anytime but not to have to go by myself. To go with another witch. To have F there with another non-witchy bloke to talk bloke things to. It would have been lovely.

I havn't been ill this year really. Except for a bout of IBS after Big Dog died, I have not been ill enough to consider being off work all year, until now. And F is ill at exactly the same time as well. Do you ever get the feeling that something just wasn't meant to be?

I need to pop out though for food and to post a present to my niece for her birthday but I just don't want to get off my sofa. I have a duvet and I am warm and snug in my jim jams. There was a bit of a drizzle outside last time I looked. I just don't really want to go anywhere.

I guess it also explains why this moon has been so hard. Not just hormones but my body fighting off some nasty icky virus. F had been at work from Friday afternoon until Sunday morning so for us to get ill at the same time means we both had it before Friday.

I can't say as I am really ill, I just fel so icky and tired. I always feel guilty when I am ill, as if I should have more symptoms and a giant flourescent purple rash to justify my telling people I am ill. I lived with this for years with first glandular fever and then ME. Invisible illnesses.

Maybe I should go get a card and then crawl back to bed. Maybe I should make her wait for her pressie with a little explanation of illness and such. Maybe I can persuade F to visit the post office one day before work. Maybe I can cram it into an envelope so it sits nice and flat and can go in the post without a visit to the post office. Maybe I can take it into work, get it weighed and then just pile stamps on until I have paid enough. I just don't want to go out today.

Maybe I shouldn't push myself through guilt. And I do feel guilty. I had such a lovely time yesterday. I don't want them to think we stayed home for any other reason apart from illness. I don't want my niece to feel bad on her birthday.

Guilt seems to go so closely with illness.