Downward

I had lots I wanted to say last night. I lost three more pounds and we went and picked up F's new car. But yesterday has gone and those things and the excitement that went with them has waned.

So today. Today has been an odd day but I am not sure I wish to talk about that either. Talking about work gets old.

I am going to talk about food though and this has been sparked today....

At school we had to eat all our lunch. Our main course with it's two veg and our desert. If you wouldn't eat it, you stayed there until you did. If your parents gave you permission you could gain a green card which was a get out clause that let you not eat the foods listed on it. The only food I got out of eating was prunes.

There was a girl in my class who wouldn't eat the meals provided. She took to not going to lunch to avoid eating the things she didn't want to eat. She would have different people sneak food out for her, but only the things she wanted to eat. It was all a high drama. A game between student and staff. Hide and seek with a lot of sneak thrown in.

It was however all about attention and control. I can't remember a huge amount about the girls life but I do remember she was powerless between her divorced parents. Desperate for love and attention. She had a huge crush on her cousin. She used to say he was her boyfriend but I am not sure how true that was. He killed himself. Shot himself with a gun. I think it was after that that the whole food thing picked up pace.

She eventually became anorexic. Playing games like this with food for love and attention doesn't tend to take people anywhere good.

I know I have different tendencies. I comfort eat and hide behind my blubber. It isn't that I don't understand the whole control thing though but the attention craving thing is somewhat alien....

So I know someone at the moment who is not sleeping properly, not eating properly, loosing weight and generally looking manky. Lots of comments are made about looks, appearances, how she feels. She is overly focused on it all. I get fed up of hearing about it. I am not interested in all that stuff at the best of times and this isn't it.

Having had my own trials and tribulations, I know no one gets help until they are ready. Too much attention and focus on it all is counterproductive, it is aiding and abetting her self-destructive behaviour. I can't make her eat properly, or sleep for that matter.

It isn't me the behaviour is aimed at anyway, it is aimed at her family and her boyfriend and the lack that she has in her relationships with them. It is nothing to do with me. I don't want my energy sucked away in that aiding a negative habit thing, I have been there before. I don't want to be involved in someone destroying themselves. I can't give her what she needs. I don't even like her. But I do feel sad about it all, sometimes. The rest of the time it makes me frustrated and cross.