Doorway to Heaven (Word Wednesday: Door)

I have just finished reading Juniper's recent posts and I felt I had to write a little about this subject.

I have been a dabbling witch for many years but never really committed. I suspect the events of my teenage years with that beautiful sunrise and the feelings that it bought and the sheer radiant beauty. The inspiration to write a fully formed creation myth featuring Father Sky and Mother Earth when I had never been exposed to such before. The development in my belief in Nature rather than the other religions around me when again I had no idea people did indeed worship nature. I suspect this may have been may have been an intiation or a calling of sorts.

However, although the door can be opened for us, we still have to walk through. My fear etc have stopped me from trying to walk through. I feel now, that I am polishing the door and peeking through small blurry glass windows as they appear, trying different keys and things and learning to love my door. Occasionally I get a little peek through but the door is still closed. The door may never open to me in this life. It doesn't matter. It is my door and I love it and I will care for it and it will open in it's own sweet time, if I am ready and the time is right.

Many years ago I visited my folks and my Mum was going to attend a textile craft day where they have workshops and a talk. My Mum is a quilter and I am not, so not surprisingly we chose different classes. I went to learn how to make braids. I was well and truly the youngest on my table. The others were Mothers and Grandmothers and they fell in two loose groups with me sat between. The first group were artistically and fashionably attired well-to-do ladies and they sat there for the session and talked about church a lot. It took me a while but I eventually realised that the well-to-do ladies were uncomfortable and they were talking about church as a reaction to this, whether they realised this or not.

The second group were very different. They were how I imagine the Goddess to be in the crone phase. The power rolled off them. They weren't smartly dressed, they didn't push themselves forward but they were magnificently comfortable in their own skins and with the world around them. Magic glinted in their eyes and the set of their mouths indicated knowledge unspoken and amusement. They knew the other ladies were uncomfortable and they definitely knew why and they were amused by this and every so often they would poke at it and ladies would talk about the church things they did even more.

Neither group was offended or scared by me so I got to quietly make my braid and watch and listen. Towards the end though my eyes met one of the crones fully and I knew she saw something and had to look back to check and we held each others gaze for a long moment. I felt that she could see that I had found my door and was intrigued. I felt she said nothing as she could also see I had not walked through my door or even really tried to. But we both kind of knew.

I think Juniper may be similar to these powerful women (although I suspect in an earlier phase of life) but not having met her in the flesh I don't know. I can understand that that sort of power in a person would piss a lot of people off and draw others. Not that it is always the power to do things, just that that person has that connection and the magic is at home around them and lives around them and things happen...

It seems to me that all religions that are organised in any sense are trying to reach or create this level of power. I think churches work on some level in that everyone focuses their own individual power onto the priest in order to boost the priests connection to the divine. I believe ritual can act in this way to. I believe that although people may know the door is there, it doesn't mean they are capable of opening it or that it is unlocked for them from the other side. I can imagine to people seeking their own connection, who may be struggling or have to work hard and believe it is hard to get there, someone with a wild power may be a little like a red rag to a bull.

I have no idea if my own path will take me through my door. I have no idea if I will gain that same reek of power someday. I am not sure it matters. Just so long as I keep walking... I will enjoy the lakes and bogs and mountains on my way. Little peeks through the doorway in the hedge are just fine for me, for now. And when my path meets the path of others for a while I enjoy the company.

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P.S I wrote this on Sunday and saved it for today as it seemed to fit. This now makes me nervous as I have posted a link to my blog on Juniper's site and somehow my little blog doesn't feel quite so private now. I hope that if you read this Juniper, you are flattered rather than offended. I have also promised myself that I will continue to write what I wish and not worry too much about others (chances are I shall fail in this *sigh*)