I am still grumpy about actually having a steady job. Or maybe I just really am feeling under the weather. Sometimes I find it really hard to figure out my feelings. First I have to figure out if I am feeling something or not. Then I have to try and figure out what it is... I sometimes think that some links in my brain don't work too well. I have spent too much of my life learning how to be a rational, logical, analytical science geek. I sacrificed some other parts of myself, the bits that have lots of emotions and creativity.
I am working at getting these lost things back. I have to practice. My body gives me little clues. A headache here. A sneeze or two there. A whopping great case of glandular fever (mono? I think) occasionally. Emotions don't achieve anything, they aren't rational. If something happens, analyse it rationally and decided what to do on the basis of cold hard facts. Way to go for a nice happy life?
So I am learning to listen to myself better, one step at a time, but the messages don't get through to clearly sometimes. I am trying to learn how to honour my emotions more. Every bone in my body is shouting flee! flee! with regards to work. Is this just my inner coward or is it a genuine warning from myself?
It has to be said, I know my inner coward is alive and well and emotional. My inner coward thrives on my career choices (also known as disasters). I want life to take me somewhere else....
The New Cottagesmallholder HQ
4 months ago
Then I think you need to be Still and listen...
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would ask why would your call your inner voice a 'coward'? That's a word loaded with negative connotation and is a judgment likely assigned by you in response to how you think society would view it, not as it truly *Is*.
If I may quote the magnet I have stuck on the board next to the computer desk...
"At the centre of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." Lao Tzu
I look at that every time I have a wavering moment..when I start to judge myself and my actions according to the societal norm...it's been very empowering!
You are an Intuitive, that much is obvious from your dreamwork, so LISTEN, dammit, before they start shouting at you!! *grin* And you've already admitted, that your body will lay seige if you don't listen...
~love and many (((HUGS)))~
Oh, Rose, I know that feeling so well. And I have said the same and worse to myself. Telling myself I'm just lazy because I don't want to be stuck in a 'regular' job.
ReplyDeleteBut it's just that the 9-5 grind is so soul-less, and I think when you long to run with the wind, and follow your creative urges, well, it's very difficult to fit that in line with holding down a regular, full-time job.
Perhaps you have an urge to do something else, that would really make your soul sing, but you haven't quite had the courage to take that leap into the unknown?? If this is so, I'd say your dissatisfaction is your Inner Self letting you know that you're just about ready to leap.
Good luck, and blessings to you. Sam x
I don't know where to leap to....
ReplyDeleteHi Rose
ReplyDeleteI came here to remind you of the Memories party on www.leafdays.com today, but found this post, and thought I'd try and pitch in. Can you try and delve a bit deeper and find what is really bothering you about your job? Do you still love what you do, but not the people you do it with? Or do you really yearn for something different, something perhaps more creative? Once you have that clear in your mind, you can start to plan. If it's the former, you may well need to learn to say 'no', gently, politely but firmly (that applies to your future mother in law as much as your boss—remember that when you have kids, what she does will affect them too). If it's the latter, what's stopping you from looking for another job? Sure, the economy is tough but you don't have to hand in your resignation right away. You can hunt for another job while you are in your current one. Then, if you find something you love, it will be much easier to stay there for two consecutive years.
best
carla
Just leap....and have faith that the net will be there....
ReplyDelete~love~
I might leap - one day - but not until I have a plan. I have leapt so many times before, teaching different jobs. This time I want to get some money behind me and have some idea what mountain I want to leap off first.... Because wherever I leap to, there has to be something firm there to support me and give me a living...
ReplyDeleteIf I had the money I would do a million different things. Maybe a masters in sustainable buildings, maybe build a house, grow a forest garden, have children.... I don't where I want to leap to but I do know the time isn't right... *sigh*