I am still grumpy about actually having a steady job. Or maybe I just really am feeling under the weather. Sometimes I find it really hard to figure out my feelings. First I have to figure out if I am feeling something or not. Then I have to try and figure out what it is... I sometimes think that some links in my brain don't work too well. I have spent too much of my life learning how to be a rational, logical, analytical science geek. I sacrificed some other parts of myself, the bits that have lots of emotions and creativity.
I am working at getting these lost things back. I have to practice. My body gives me little clues. A headache here. A sneeze or two there. A whopping great case of glandular fever (mono? I think) occasionally. Emotions don't achieve anything, they aren't rational. If something happens, analyse it rationally and decided what to do on the basis of cold hard facts. Way to go for a nice happy life?
So I am learning to listen to myself better, one step at a time, but the messages don't get through to clearly sometimes. I am trying to learn how to honour my emotions more. Every bone in my body is shouting flee! flee! with regards to work. Is this just my inner coward or is it a genuine warning from myself?
It has to be said, I know my inner coward is alive and well and emotional. My inner coward thrives on my career choices (also known as disasters). I want life to take me somewhere else....
Eleventh Blog Anniversary!
5 months ago