Downward

I had lots I wanted to say last night. I lost three more pounds and we went and picked up F's new car. But yesterday has gone and those things and the excitement that went with them has waned.

So today. Today has been an odd day but I am not sure I wish to talk about that either. Talking about work gets old.

I am going to talk about food though and this has been sparked today....

At school we had to eat all our lunch. Our main course with it's two veg and our desert. If you wouldn't eat it, you stayed there until you did. If your parents gave you permission you could gain a green card which was a get out clause that let you not eat the foods listed on it. The only food I got out of eating was prunes.

There was a girl in my class who wouldn't eat the meals provided. She took to not going to lunch to avoid eating the things she didn't want to eat. She would have different people sneak food out for her, but only the things she wanted to eat. It was all a high drama. A game between student and staff. Hide and seek with a lot of sneak thrown in.

It was however all about attention and control. I can't remember a huge amount about the girls life but I do remember she was powerless between her divorced parents. Desperate for love and attention. She had a huge crush on her cousin. She used to say he was her boyfriend but I am not sure how true that was. He killed himself. Shot himself with a gun. I think it was after that that the whole food thing picked up pace.

She eventually became anorexic. Playing games like this with food for love and attention doesn't tend to take people anywhere good.

I know I have different tendencies. I comfort eat and hide behind my blubber. It isn't that I don't understand the whole control thing though but the attention craving thing is somewhat alien....

So I know someone at the moment who is not sleeping properly, not eating properly, loosing weight and generally looking manky. Lots of comments are made about looks, appearances, how she feels. She is overly focused on it all. I get fed up of hearing about it. I am not interested in all that stuff at the best of times and this isn't it.

Having had my own trials and tribulations, I know no one gets help until they are ready. Too much attention and focus on it all is counterproductive, it is aiding and abetting her self-destructive behaviour. I can't make her eat properly, or sleep for that matter.

It isn't me the behaviour is aimed at anyway, it is aimed at her family and her boyfriend and the lack that she has in her relationships with them. It is nothing to do with me. I don't want my energy sucked away in that aiding a negative habit thing, I have been there before. I don't want to be involved in someone destroying themselves. I can't give her what she needs. I don't even like her. But I do feel sad about it all, sometimes. The rest of the time it makes me frustrated and cross.

Celebrations and Jubilations

Yesterday was my birthday. It didn't begin as I had hoped. The alarm went off at seven because the boiler man was coming to find out why it keeps switching itself off and flashing little lights at us. I would much rather have had a lie in but hey...

It turned out to be a little corrosion on the sensor that tells it the pilot light has gone out.

After some pressies and some breakfast lovingly cooked by F, he forced me out the door and into the car. I knew he was taking me to a far away wood. It started to drizzle as we drove there. hmmm

We ate our food and then wondered over to the map. He asked me which trail I wanted to do and I chose the nice easy one the went a long one side of the river, over a bridge and back down the other side. It had easy next to it and I suspected it would be lovely and flat.

Cardinham Woods is situated in the Glynn Valley. A lovely valley that is just so beautiful. Full of little rivers carrying water away from Bodmin Moor. Steep sided valleys run into each other. Covered in trees. The woods are mostly pine because they are Forestry Commission plantations but there are some broad leaved areas here and there.

Little Dog met and socialised with a few dogs including a Collie that swiped her side for no reason leaving her with a cut. She danced in the rivers and ran backwards and forwards and was generally joyful. The only times she was bad with other dogs and even growled was when she got bitten and also when I went to stroke another dog who had jumped up at me. I think growling is a fairly minor communication really. I doubt the Collies owners even realised their dog had drawn blood.

We happily trundled along until we reached a point where another trail left our nice easy route. F pointed up the trail. And yes I do mean up. This trail snaked up the side of the valley, clinging precariously to the side of the hill. I went pale and said no. It soon became clear that F really wanted to do this and that i would feel bad if I didn't, even though I didn't want to climb hills...

I had to stop a lot. The Mistress of Pain had taught me a couple of stretches to help with problem parts of my legs. I had to stretch out my ankles most times I stopped. At the top I knelt down and leant back to stretch out some other muscles, somewhere in my legs that hurt. It helped a lot but not completely!

Once up the side of the hill, the path wound around the hills at a steady height with only minor slopes. Once I stopped glowering at F i actually enjoyed it. The only person we saw up there was a Ranger doing an annual check to ensure there were no dangerous fallen trees endangering the path. And he was driving.

Amongst the pines were other things. Many dung beetles. The occasional fungus. I could hear buzzards calling. And there were other trees, oak, beech and then, suddenly, a little cluster of Rowans. These are not trees I see very often, in fact I can not remember the last time I did. They are not common in the areas I have lived. I have often wanted a piece of this wood for different things while reading witchy things. It has always somehow seemed the last obtainable. When I thought about making a tree oracle, this was the one that was going to be hardest for me to find. It is one that is recommended for wands and stangs.

So I see a little cluster of the trees and I say to F that I want some of their wood. Neither of us willing to chance the steep slope to get to them. We continued on. And there, at a fork in the path was a cluster of them, within reach. I begin looking. It was pretty hopeless. I told F that I wasn't willing to take living wood from the tree itself but the temptation was of course huge - to break one little twig. F got bored and carried on. I spotted a cluster of berries that had fallen and was caught in a branch. I took this as a gift, even though it wasn't what I wanted. Preparing to give up, I turned to move on.

And then I saw it. It was not a twig. It was probably a little tree, or maybe a branch of a larger tree. It had somehow been broken off and a couple of the twigs had started rotting. At it's base, a section the length of a think wand dangled. I broke the thick length at the bottom off to use as a wand but I didn't want to just leave the branch. I called F and he helped me strip the the twigs. I was bemused to find that I was left with something looking very much like a forked staff. I discovered that for all it's lack of thickness and the gently bowed nature of the branch, it made a very, very good walking stick. I gave silent thanks for this gift and moved on.

We descended the hill back to the easy trail and saw many beautiful spots. It seemed that most dog walkers took the opportunity to cross the first bridge and loop back so this far section of the easy trail was deserted. We found a little path that led down to the river and here I took off my socks and boots and dangled my poor sore feet in....

We continued on, past a beautiful old fashioned granite bridge. Past cottages. Past all sorts...

My exclamation halted F. I was a bit surprised that he thought such an eclamation might relate to the siting of another dung beetle. I had seen something on the path and I knew what it was. I had never ever seen one before and this was a very special moment. We have three 'snakes' in this country. The Adder is poisonous and has a distinctive V, I once had an encounter with one and it was beautiful. Then the Grass Snake and Smooth Snake. This looked like a snake but I knew it wasn't, it was a legless lizard, a Slow Worm.

It was a beautiful copper colour and it glistened. Reading about them online, it would have been a female that we saw. We took many photos. We watched as it decided we were not a threat and moved across the road to the verge where it nimbly moved through the moss and stones. It was lovely. A real priviledge.

We returned to the car and I squeezed my new stang in before collapsing in a tired aching heap. I dreamt of nice hot baths all the way home and couldn't wait to use some Lush treat I had purchased the week before. Little Dog actually lay down all the way home.

So we pull up and F announces I have an hour and a half and then we are off out.... I had my bath and it was lovely and then we bustled out of the house.

He took me to Carn Brea Castle. I posted about the hill this castle sits on here. I have wanted to go there ever since I moved to Cornwall. It was originally built as a medieval chapel, possibly to St Michael but was later rebuilt by the Bassett family as a hunting lodge. It isn't considered to be a proper castle because it is built on top of rocks and is classified as a folly. I think most importantly in terms of last night, it is now a restaurant. A tiny restaurant but a lovely one.

We ate Jordanian food that wouldn't fit into our diet plan and later the owner played his drum. It was a lovely intimate evening. Lit by candle light in a tiny, relatively bare room with rock walls, we were snug and happy and well fed. Afterwards we walked up to the monument in the dark....

A beautiful day. all thanks to my lovely F.

Things

So many things seem to be happening right now. So many things seem to be about to start. So very much a time of change.

The weather has suddenly decided to go all summery. Beautiful clear skies. Air so fresh it tastes sweet. A beautiful gentle warmth cooled by sea breezes. Lovely. And I like it even more because it isn't Summer. There is a slight nip to the air at times that lets you know this Autumn. The night is lasting longer and longer. This is September at it's best.

The last few days I have been stuck in work of a day and to busy of an evening to make it to the beach. So I promised Little Dog we would go first thing today. And we did. 8 am found us stepping onto Perranporth Beach with a fairly low tide giving huge expanses of golden fluffy sand. And I do really mean fluffy because the beach cleaning tractor was there sifting sand for trash and laying it back like a fluffy powdery stuff.

Little Dog was pretty good and I got a better balance today between her desire to chase after the ball and her need to not run herself ragged. As we left the beach it was just beginning to get warm enough to make running risky for her. She cooled off in the stream before we headed back to the car.

A good start to the day. I then spoke to my Mum and discovered she is also trying to lose weight right now for her diabetes. She has decided to give herself a treat with every half stone. She is going to buy a troll bracelet with her first milestone and a troll bead or charm for it every one after that. We are going to do this together now because it is such a lovely idea. By the time I am thin I should have a beautiful collection of beads that I would have trouble justifying normally.

The diet is going OK. I have planned the meals for the rest of this week now which seemed to take ages. It doesn't feel easy yet. Last nights tea was a glitch though.... Now I just have to make myself cook it all and stick to it. I need to make myself go out shopping really... I left lunch to late and let myself get hungry. This is something I do and then I go and get all the wrong foods....

The new TV has arrived but I can not unpack it until F gets back. It is our first real big purchase of something new together and as such we will enjoy it's first moments together. I would love to be able to watch it tonight though... Oh well....

Work has gone a little odd in some ways but in others it is fine.

Jewellery making is now progressing at a snail's pace. I am making a bracelet for my Aunt (thankfully she has tiny wrists) using tiny delica beads sewn into tiny squares and then sewn together. The way it sits is a bit like an egg box sort of a shape. F's Mum's necklace has ground to a halt because I ran out of beads. My sister's earrings have swelled in number to three sets but I got bored of earrings and stopped for a bit. My Mum's bracelet is done. This just leaves my Neice, who isn't turning gothy after all. Of course this is only the first round - they all need birthday and Christmas presents....

On other crafting - I need to do some silk painting and some sewing (eek) and some how neither seem to be getting started. It is just a question of making myself get started really... *sigh*

Some major decluttering has been accomplished while I was safely out of the way at work. F has removed a wardrobe and now I can actually see all of the width of the window from the bed. The room seems so much brighter suddenly!

I think I am putting off going shopping....

Written in the Stars?

Recently there has been mention of astrology in Blogville. Or maybe just one mention. Not sure. i think it was Mel but I think she might have been jogged by somewhere else.... I can't find Mel's post with it in now (if indeed it was ever there...).

A long time ago I bought a really good astrology book, before I moved to Cornwall even. I was always hampered in my study of astrology by a couple of things...

1) I lacked the tools. Computers make it so much easier! I couldn't copy the chart and I didn't have a word processor on which to type out all the comments and then collate them into topics. Making a chart involved pages and pages of notes and then writing them all out again after! Ugh...

2) A lack of birthdays and birth places to work on. I didn't see any appeal in making up details just to practice.

I did a chart for a chap I knew and he was somewhat surprised when he got it, uncomfortable even. I started one for myself but I just got bogged down in it....

So the comments made me think of my book and today I went and dragged it out of hiding. I discovered pages of notes but I hadn't written names on the notes and they were more than a little random. I decided to start again.

I copied the chart and plotted my planets on to it with it's lovely precise divisions and perfect circles. I calculated and calculated and when I had finished calculating I started working through the book, typing comments about different planets in this star sign or that house. There are so many things to work through and the more you delve into a chart the more there seems to be that you can do...

I want to talk about the revelations my chart has given me in the small area of health, diet and fitness....

I like rich, sweet food but I would benefit from a lighter, more balanced diet that is high in fibre and wholefoods. I have a tendency towards excess and binges, which I must avoid. I like to eat good food out in congenial surroundings.

I need regular exercise but I have a tendency to dismiss regular exercise and I lack the willpower to commit to regular exercise. I am not inclined towards the use of physical energy and don't really enjoy exercise. Inaction however leads to weight gain and subsequent difficulty in losing weight.

I have a slow metabolism and it is very easy for me to overdo things. For me, steady exercise is better than energetic exercise and I am more likely to enjoy exercise with lyrical movement or a social factor. Badminton, Tennis and Squash are all good sports for getting my metabolism going.

I have a tendency to bottle things up and suffer from nervous tension. If I don't release this energy I am likely to suffer from stomach issues, bowel issues or headaches. It may also affect my liver, although my liver is also prone to psychosomatic related illness. headaches may also be caused by fluctuations in my kidney function. I benefit far more from holistic and homeopathic treatments than I do conventional medicinal treatment. I can also be a bit of a hypochondriac...

I actually have good physical energy levels which I should use for demanding sports to release this nervous tension positively. I need action and plenty of it, in order to function well. I must spend lots of time outdoors, preferably in the country as this will revive my spirits and replenish my energy levels as well. Yoga and meditation are also good forms of release for me.

I need to understand that my energy levels fluctuate and sometimes I just don't feel like it. At these times I need gentler forms of exercise but I must still exercise. When I have more energy or have nervous tension, I need to exercise steadily but in a demanding way. I am not competitive but if i do take part in competitive sports, I need to be on the winning team.

oh and I need to make sure I treat my back well and sit properly at my desk...

The thing is, this all fits me perfectly and kind of explains a few things I needed to know. For instance my dislike of exercise has prevented me from gaining this degree of insight into my exercise needs but this all fits and makes sense. It explains why I have always liked Badminton and why Tai Chi did good things for me.

The nervous energy thing is enlightening as well. I am aware, and the chart confirmed in other sections, that I have a high level of emotional energy but it operates at deep levels in my psyche and I tend to repress it. My intellectual approac to things means that I rationalise a lot of emotion away before I am even really aware that I feel it. How I sleep and the state of my stomach are often the first clues I have to the fact I am stressed....

Thins is with this part of the chart is that it makes it clear I don't need to be fat and exactly what I need to do in order not to be fat. I need to design my life around these exercise requirements and then maybe I might actually be able to stick to it. Maybe, just maybe my chart offers me a way out....

Mood of The Day

The young man who decided to go swimming with three friends last night will never go back home again. He and two others were jumping off the rocks, two made it to shore while he was dragged away. By the time F and I reached Godrevy his body would have already have lost it's driving force and who knows where his soul might have been. I hope he has or will manage to pass over soon to wherever spirits go.

I started the day sad and tired but my mood has improved throughout the day. It was fantastically improved by a lovely little package from Canada. Mel sent me the wrecked remains of my get a friend to destroy this page, page which has been magically transformed into a woven coaster! Oh I laughed so much when I saw it! There was also a lovely pressed flower, for my pressed page (no idea what sort). Savannah had also included some lovelies, several beautiful drawings and some paper dolls! I also received a page of Mel's journal to wreck *evil grin*

I have been experimenting with Tamarind and as soon as I opened my jar I recognised the smell. I know I have eaten this many times and it seems to be the 'missing' ingredient from many chinese dishes I have thrown together. I did some chinese ribs and a stir fry tonight both using tamarind paste and they were lovely... I also used honey, soy, chinese five spice, black and red pepper and ginger....

I also found a block of tamarind so I think I can have a go at Gemel's lovely suggestion now too... Sam also has offered Tamarind suggestions, which I shall gladly try.... My favourite so far by quite a bit!

Bits of creative things are proceeding slowly in the background... and I do mean slowly! I feel behind on things at the moment. I was going to do an earth healing last night but events got in the way and tonight catching up and cooking has held sway. I know I am putting it off. I know my lack of success with ceremonies and my feelings of inadequacy in all things magical are getting in the way. I know I just need to get on with it... Because when it comes down to it, I want to do it and I believe in it.....

Today is wishcasting wednesday but I am not sure what the wish is for today except that I wish for the young man who passed away to be at peace and I wish for the world and it's healing. For myself I wish a piece of this green land for my own to nurture and love....

Pukka

This is a little bit on consumer power and the internet...

I like herbal teas. I find the medicinal ones from health food shops a little much a lot of the time, they are fine if you have a health issue you need them for, but for everyday drinking pleasure... The teas generally sold in Tesco come in a few main varieties - summer fruit, mint, chamomile and a few others, maybe chai, maybe ginger or jasmine. You know the sort of thing...

Then Pukka appeared on the shelves. They were lovely. Blends of different herbs and spices to create beautiful, balanced teas with lovely names.

There was...

Love - rose, chamomile and lavender

There was...

Detox - aniseed, fennel and licorice

There was...

Clarity - ginger, lemongrass and gotu kola

There was...

Harmonise - rose, hibiscus, vanilla, shatavari, licorice and chamomile



and they were lovely. I owned all of them at work and at home and drank whichever one I fancied at the time and it was all good.

and then....

Tesco decided to stop stocking them. eek! They didn't stop stocking Pukka teas but I sensed the hand of Tesco in the choice of flavours that Pukka decided to develop.

We have...

Night time - chamomile, oatstraw and lavender

Three ginger - ginger, galangal and golden turmeric

Three mint - peppermint, spearmint and fieldmint

The mint is very minty and the ginger is very gingery but the night time is really nice. This only gives me one variety to play with at work that I really like. *sigh*

So I go online. What I discover is that Pukka have a lovely little internet business going. Not only that but all my old favourites are still there. And even better there are a whole lod of other beautiful and interesting teas there for me to try!

We have...

Relax - chamomile, fennel and marshmallow

Revitalise - cinnamon, cardamon and ginger

Refresh - peppermint, licorice and rose

Cleanse - nettle, fennel and aloe vera

Protect - Jasmine green tea, cardamon and rosemary

Pleasure - cocoa, licorice and roasted chicory

Three Berry - elderberry, blueberry and blackberry



oooh! So when I got paid I went and ordered all my favourites plus all the ones I had never tried before. The presence of variety packs means that this was cheaper than shopping for the new premium teas Tesco stock and I don't like so much.

They arrived earlier this week and since then I have been enjoying the return of beautiful variety to my tea breaks....

I know this is a shameless plug for Pukka (that they will probably never know about) but it is an important thing to me. I hate the way that supermarkets cater for the lowest common denominator. We think they are giving us choice but in reality they so often take choice away and discourage us from cooking and thinking for ourselves.

We are creatures of habit and so often we develop habits and then they take them away from us. Well, I no longer buy tea from Tesco.... I buy it direct. Did I mention that it is organic?

Time

I have just got caught up with my blogs but not my emails. As soon as you miss a blog session, you begin to realise how much you actually do.... Catching up has taken a bit of effort.

We had pork chops for tea and watched American History X which was very good. Didn't leave much time for anything else though and now it is nearly bed time and I have done little else. Oh I put some asfatedo (sp!) stuff in with the mushrooms so experiments have begun with the third herb / spice. We are still using the black onion seed but i didn't fall in love with fenugreek...

Today I felt icky. If the ladies at work are still pulling my hormones into synch then it is my pre-hormonal blip, worsened by the moon maybe. I didn't perk up until I got to leave. Maybe it was just because I was too hot... It has already cooled this evening and tomorrow is supposed to be much cooler, thankfully. I don't like it too hot and heat makes me want to have a siesta.

I still feel off at work. I don't feel part of the team so much and I don't know what to do or say sometimes that isn't going to be taken wrong and still enable me to get my job done well. I have a strong work ethic, I don't think this is always a good thing. *sigh*

I want..... something else...... I am beginning to understand that time really is a gift. Not time to do what others want but time to truly do what you want. I never appreciated it when I had it....

Things...

We took Little Dog and S out for a touch of cavorting today. S and Little Dog were as normal a little duo act. I managed to lose my ball on a string in some brambles with a very bad throw. We discovered hide and seek. S hid and Little Dog did the seeking - it was most amusing....

Little Dog is learning manners a little. She was being a bit pushy with a dog, got growled at and backed right off. Another dog she wanted to play with had nervy owners. It was a big dog with a halti. It didn't seem aggressive and I just got the feeling, being a new convert to trusting my dog, that maybe they should trust theirs a little.... They would all probably enjoy it all a little more... i know we do now...

I did some crafting this morning but am a loooong way off having anything interesting to show. I have some ideas bouncing around inside my head though... For when I have a moment... Which will actually be quite soon as I have booked a week off, starting this Friday evening. It will be F's first week in his new job that week too and he will be doing a lot of evening shifts so I will actually get to see him to. I am going to really miss him and having him work shifts is going to take some getting used to.... It isn't that I will be lonely but that I will be lonely for him...

I experimented further with black onion seed tonight - i cooked up some garlic and onion with it then added some boiled potato, then some spinach on top so it wilted in and finally some toasted pine nuts... Yum... It went very well with the sweet chilli marinated salmon we had. S had to try a spoon full and on doing so he stated that the spinach wasn't as bad as he thought - not that he wanted any more... *laugh*

I need a bit of time to catch up on projects and things.... My jewellery pile has gotten higher and I still don't want to get back to making any... I have three necklaces and two pairs of earrings to make - most of which won't actually take to long... I reckon a good day and I could knock out most of them (I hope).

I would also like to get down to some letter writing and message in bottles that week too....

I have also realised a slight difficulty with my 101 things list - walsking Little Dog in three beautiful places each week... Walking around the block doesn't count. Beautiful places require the car.... Neither of us like the rain... Beautiful places aren't we go on rainy days... It rains a lot in Cornwall... On top of this, I am behind from when she was ill and had to be kept at home. I also have to decide whether it counts if F takes her somewhere nice while I am at work....

Thing is Little Dog can only take so much of this walking milarkey. Off the lead she just keeps running, backwards and forwards, in circles, after a ball, whatever, just at speed. She has some of the greyhound speed and some of the collie stamina so she keeps going longer than a greyhound would but half an hour of running and she sleeps the rest of the day. She collapsed when we got home and once I became available she managed to move a little in order to collapse on my leg....

I suspect that if I stick with my intention, this will be a hard target to meet... Without killing my dog with exercise....

Herbs and Spice and all things nice....

I am continuing my experiments with herbs and spices...

Fenugreek is one of the main ingredients in curry powder and the more I taste it, the more it reminds me of curry powder. I am not sure how hot it is, in and of itself as I always mix it with other things. I am going to continue experimenting with it..... Particularly now I have more veg and stuff to cook properly with. It helps nursing mothers produce milk, good for lowering cholestorol and helpful in dealing with the metabolic effects of diabetes.

I also bought my second new herb / spice and this is black onion seed. It is the seed of the plant Nigella sativa and has many names including Nigella, Kalonji, Black Cumin and Fennel Flower. It is used in curries, pickles and as a topping on peshwari naan. They are used in medicine to lower blood pressure, prevent flatulence and get rid of worms.

We had a load of sausages to use and I had some noodles open so I made a sausage stir fry, I flavoured it with fenugreek, black onion seed, paprika and black and red pepper. I also added a sachet of coconut milk. It was a lovely meal and F gave it 10 out of 10. I love paprika and peppper but the onion seed, fenugreek and coconut milk gave it a lovely gentle flavour behind the spice.

I am still not sure how easy it is going to be finding different herbs and spices to experiment with! We live in a rural area where there are few minority groups (except the Polish) so there are few speciality food shops. I am limited as to what I can find... I used to live in the city and I loved the ethnic food shops, I loved buying char sui dumplings to steam from Chinese supermarkets and Carribean take aways of rice and peas. I loved the Asian fabric shops.

I am going to need to be more inventive, living down here, away from so many things. Maybe I should go into one of the Polish shops and see if they have any different herbs and spices..... Maybe I should look at getting some seeds for some strange and unusual plants....

Anyway, I still have my Fenugreek and Black Onion Seed to experiment with for now....

Return to My Roots....

Yesterday we got our new fridge. Previously advertised as free to anyone who can come and get it. The hole it is supposed to go in still isn't large enough....

We went shopping today though and it was kind of a relief to not just be shopping for one meal. I bought lots and lots of veg. Veg for tea and veg for lunchtime salads. A pack of leafy stuff hasn't been worth buying recently. Anything that couldn't be finished in one sitting hasn't been worth buying recently....

Lambs Lettuce and Baby Spinach will be a large part of my salads for this week along with spring onions, radishes and carrot and I am so looking forward to them.... Maybe I can have a healthy diet again for a little.....

F reacted differently. He bought meat. He also bought reduced meat which was close to it's sell by date. He possibly bought more than we can sensibly eat. F would happily live on meat if he could.... I suspect none of the lamb's lettuce or spinach will be found in his lunches unless I put it there....

I remember the future m-i-l grumping once that F never really ate vegetables before he met me and kind of implying he only ate them to keep me happy. She overcooks her veg, as is a little typical of the style of cooking favoured by many of her generation.... She doesn't like anything even vaguely foreign so her choice of veg is... limited... I am not surprised he didn't get into veg while living at home....

I love raw veg and stir fries and stews and roasts. F certainly 'appears' to enjoy eating them to... His meat feast meals do drive me potty though. It has gotten to a point where I feel a little queasy when presented with a meal that is all meat and no veg....

Heres to the fridge! How did people live without them?

Virus (Word Wednesday)

In honour of the bug that has swooped down on Mel and her family today's word is virus.

A virus is a microscopic organism which can live outside of a host cell. Not all viruses hurt the cell in which they live, many just live their lives and pass on. Others cause a variety of effects and hepatitis, the common cold, flu and AIDS are all viruses. Our immune system has developed to try and fight viruses within our bodies. So some people may carry viruses, with no idea that they are doing so as their immune response manages to win the battle but not fully eradicate the virus.

There are other types of things that behave like viruses but have different mediums. Computer viruses are pieces of virulent code which can infect computers and self replicate. Some have disasterous results for your computer while others are harmless, such as chain emails. Memes are a form of virus that infect blogs.

In the film 'The Matrix', Agent Smith likens humanity to a virus and I have to agree. We have well and truly infected this planet we call home. I guess we have a choice, to be a nice happy smily virus, a virus that doesn't affect anything very much or a nasty destructive virus. I suspect that the Earth's immune system would be enough to take out this little virus, a few mega volcanoes and some nice dust clouds high in the atmosphere or perhaps a fresh little ice age. But then again maybe this little virus will kill it's host before the hosts immune system has a chance to fight back.

I would love to see us all just stop what we are doing. Becoming a nothing-y virus that doesn't affect much would be a helluva achievement. I would love to see us actively work with nature for the benefit of the planet. Nature aims for complexity and we are destroying this...

One thing I saw on TV very recently was a programme about a Devon farmer's desire to make her family farm sustainable. All farming is reliant on fossil fuels - even organic farms. There are however things called forest gardens where trees are planted with wide spacings and plants and bushes are grown inbetween, according to their requirements so that they fit the environment. In this way the complexity of a piece of land is harnessed in order to produce a fertile and largely self sustaining garden that produces food.

These gardens aren't suited to mass production or the use of oil guzzling tools. They encourage the use of old species grown unfashionable such as nut trees, medlars, quinces, damsons etc. There isn't room in these gardens for cereals or foreign imports that can not survive happily without being propped up with polythene or chemicals.

Imagine if we truly tried to work with the earth instead of against it?

She spoke of memories of flocks of seagulls coming to feed when they ploughed their land in her childhood. Now the birds no longer come when it is ploughed as ploughing has killed the rich ecosystem of the soil.... Are allotments similar somehow, with their neatly weeded rows, regularly composted.

Is there really another way?

I would love to think that the beautiful, wild looking gardens I saw could reallys support us....

Padstein

Today we celebrated F's birthday. It wasn't actually his birthday - that's in a couple of weeks time. Tomorrow is the last day of a special offer for a lunch time set menu at Rick Stein's Seafood Restaurant in Padstow. And today it was our turn.

The restaurant was lovely with a calm but sophisticated air. The service was flawless as our waitress seemed to read minds and was always there without being intrusive. But the food... the food was beautiful.

The main course that F chose was normally the same price as the entire price of this menu for one person. It still wasn't cheap but how often do you get to eat at a celebrity chefs restaurant? Cornwall, being a tourist place has more restaurants than local population can support in the winter months and there are all sorts of lovely offers. Even the best of our restaurants need us poorer locals over the winter to fill their tables.

So the menu focused around Rick Stein's newest book and consisted of seafood. I had lobster and fennel rissotto to start while F had a gratin of turbot cheeks. For main I had sushi and F had Sea Bass. For desert I had pana cotta with rhubarb and he had a thing... (oops, slipped my memory). We finished with a latte and a peppermint tea )made with actual fresh peppermint leaves.

My sushi was perhaps a little more adventurous than I expected. There was a fair bit of raw fish. I don't think F would have liked it! It was beautiful and something I wouldn't normally have gotten to eat.

Part way through the meal, a young couple was placed at the table next to us. They were very attractive and were dressed expensively. They sat there and talked about money, about people they knew losing thousands, about shopping in New York, about not using the nursery slopes on skiing holidays and on and on. F and I don't have to talk. Their presence reduced us to silence but we were still communciating. And trying not to laugh. For them it was just a meal, while for us it was a special, special thing.
Afterwards we walked around the harbour and admired the views. Padstow sites near the coast, in a flooded river valley (caused by the change in sea levels after the last ice age). As such the harbour is very sheltered. Opposite the river from Padstow is Rock and the two are linked by a ferry. Rock is known for being the playground of the children of the rich.

Rick Stein knew what he was doing opening a top restaurant where he has access to both the rich and holidaying. The harbour continues to be home to a working fishing fleet, which is becoming less and less common in Cornwall. These fishermen, I hope, receive more for their catch because they are linked to the gastronomie that Rick has created. He has a restaurant, a bistro, a chippie and a cafe. Then there is the bakery, deli, gift shop and wine shop...

After our walk we returned to our car park and decided to visit the Lobster Hatchery. Most aquariums in our area tend to be small and overpriced. This one was small, reasonably priced and utterly charming.

Lobsters are under threat from fishing and pollution but it has been discovered that if females who are carrying eggs when they are caught are placed in a hatchery and the larvae raised until they are large enough, a much, much higher percentage survive to be adults. Lobsters are generally a mix of blue, cream and orange but occasionally genetics creates a rarecolouring or two. These variations occur in one lobster in several million (can't remember the number I think it was ten million for one and four for the other). They had lobsters of both these colourings, one was bright orange and the other was a vivid royal blue.

As well as full grown lobsters there were vats of larval lobster. There was a strong current in these jars and you could see little tiny lobster shaped individuals being thrown around. As soon as they leave the larval stage, they are separated into individual cells, as they have a tendency to fight and eat each other. The little lobsters in theit cells were so tiny! Once big enough to survive they are released into the seas of Cornwall.

We then drove through the sunshine along the coast back to home....

Word Wednesday: Cake

i like cake.

in fact I like it a lot.

I like all sorts of cakes: coffee and walnut, chocolate, caramel, jam sponges, fairy cakes, muffins, carrot cake, lemon cake...... All of them except fruit cake and even then I like some fruit cakes....

But I can't make them. I have tried many times in the past to make cakes. They generally seem to come out of the oven with the thickness and consistency of a biscuit. F's mother is a prize winning baker and I am more than a little jealous of this skill.

I am not sure if it is the cake I love the best or the icing. I love all things sweet and sugary.

I added my desire to make a passable cake to my 101 things list. Specifically i would like to make F a birthday cake. Not just any birthday cake but a decent birthday cake with the consistency of a cake and not of a biscuit.

I have two weeks...

This time round anyway....

Wish me luck...

Godrevy

Godrevy is the name of the northern most headland of Gwithian Bay, one of the most stunning Bays in Cornwall. It is also the name of the beach that lies in it's shadow, beloved or surfers. The bay stretches from this headland past the village of Gwithian, past acres of sand dunes, past the town of Hayle hidden behind a ridge of sand, to the wide expanse of the hayle estuary and the beautiful, but expensive village of Lelant. The bay contines past Carbis Bay and it's beach to St Ives and it's many tourists.

This quiet bay has been the home to much industry. The mining operations taking sand from the dunes. The explosives factory nestled in the dunes that prevented explosions spreading from building to building. Currently rows of caravans nestle in the dunes and glisten in the sun. Hayle has a harbour and has two parts, Copperhouse and Foundry. It was a haven of industry that has left behind a dead harbour. Carbis Bay was home to mining as well, as was much of Cornwall but unusually Carbis Bay supplied Uranium from it's Pitchblende ore and radioactive rocks can still be found in the mine tunnels leading from the beach. St Ives is the home of art in Cornwall with artists such as Barbara Hepworth making their home there as well as the Tate Modern. It's harbour still supports fishing boats but now there are as many tourist boat trips leaving it's shelter.

It has links with Cornwall's religious past as well. Holy wells, so common in Cornwall are found at Gwithian, Phillack (a small village by Hayle) and Lelant. At Lelant, the old Cornish pilgrammage route to St Michael's Mount begins. Many relics are found in the churches of this area including a plethora of cornish crosses at St Uny's in Lelant wich is believed to be built on the site of a Roman hill fort. There is an inscribed stone at Phillack as well.

I have been thinking a lot today and one thing I have come to realise through writing about Cornwall on this blog, is how much I love it. I love it's history and countryside and nature. I love the sea. This may sound obvious but F and I have often contemplated moving to lessen the distance to my family and increase the distance from his. My qualifications would be of more value elsewhere as well and chances are I would be able to pick up a decent job. I have finally realised though that although i want to move, I do not wish to leave....

Today F and I spent a companionable morning doing our own things in the same room before going to the Post Office where I learnt the rules of posting to Canada (customs stickers and return address in top left corner). I then used some free vouchers from the internet to save ten pounds on some new art supplies. We failed in our quest to buy bacon bites for lunch (squares of puff pastry folded over bacon and cheese) and instead bought crusty baps of a gargantuan size. On our return home we filled them with bacon and chipolatas and tomato ketchup before setting out for Godrevy.

We sat and admired the view across the bay while eating and drinking coffee. The sky was blue with clouds scudding across occasionally blocking the sun and bringing short and light showers. The wind was cold and reduced the temperature we felt to near freezing. It is hard to believe that right now Cornwall is an island cut off by snow and a mere 30 minutes drive would find us in treachorous conditions.

Godrevy has a lighthouse and I had promised my Mum some pictures of a lighthouse. We took quite a few. The lighthouse is now automated and sits perched on it's island. Living there in times gone by must have been pretty lonely. In a busy bay but often cut off from others.

Some of the cliff is unstable and fenced off. At one place you can see a whole section is waiting to slide into the sea which the fault it is moving on exposed. Only a fool would walk across. Below this headland, on the northern side, a seal breeding colony is to be found in the Summer. The next cove round is called Fisherman's Cove. The path down to it is hard to find and hugs the cliff in a way that would discourage many from going down. As expected the fishing is supposed to be pretty good. I once had an encounter with a seal on this beach as we watched each other for several long moments.

We walked the short circular route around the headland. At one point we found a bunch of flowers left on a bench, a memorial to someone whose ashes had been scattered? Later we noticed a flake of snow. Then another. We paused and discovered that the flakes were blowing in horizontally from the sea. Which cloud had spawned them was unclear as they could have been carried for miles across the sea.

Back at the car we drank more coffee as the sun began to slide nearer to the horizon and impart a soft orange to the sky. I saw a Robin in a bramble. It came to sit by our car and I tossed out my cake crumbs for it. It seemed quite happy, the wind ruffling it's feathers even in the shelter of the car. The pied wagtails didn't come quite so close and were a little more manic in moving around while the Robin just sat their and eyeballed me.

We talked about our life a little as it is now. We are both agreed that my blog has had a positive effect on our lives, more so on mine but definitely an effect on his too. As a result of my blog and desire to reconnect with my faith, we are getting out more, no matter the weather. At first he needed a little persuading but it didn't take long for both of us to remember how much we love this landscape we live in, how could we have forgotten?

D-Day and the Ox

Today has been pencilled in my diary for nearly three months for today was the day I had to go and see the dietician again and be weighed. I spent last night trying to sleep, badly. I had dreams with ominous overtones. I kept waking up and sleeping only lightly. I got up feeling drained.

The dietician however gave me some good news. I have lost a stone since I last saw her. That pleasure didn't last long as I had to go to work. By the end of the day I felt completely vacant and miserable. There are moves afoot and people are moving about and the possibility of me being offered a contract draws closer. I know I should be grateful, particularly at this time... I spend my days bored, despite the radio and nice colleagues and come home drained and with very tired eyes.

I know it is the time of the new moon and maybe this has something to do with how I feel today. It is actually a special new moon as it heralds the beginning of the new chinese year. The year of the Ox. I am going to retreat from my current job to times past...

Many years ago my parents took my sister and I to a chinese restaurant. We kept going back and when I was a little older, they offered me a job. I worked there on and off over many years until my move down here. I know if I was ever living near by there would be a job waiting for me. If my life ever took a real turn for the worse the job would include a small cubicle in the flat above the restaurant.

The various people I worked with gave me a fascination with the Chinese way of life. I would not say I know much about it. The average working Chinese person doesn't tend to talk of home too much. This brings back memories of the families at home, wives they send money to, children living with grandparents.

They tried in vain to teach me some Cantonese and I did eventually manage to learn a few words. The problem is, it is a tonal language. This means pitch conveys meaning to and alters a word. Sounds can be low, medium or high and some may rise or fall. So the language is actually sung. It was a long time before I got my ear in enough to be able to hear the things they were trying to teach me. The best pronounciation i ever achieved was when they were trying to get me to remember some word and I couldn't. I came out with the first sounds that hit my brain, which unfortunately happened to be an extremely clear pronounciation of a word for female genitalia. This caused my friends considerable amusement, as they had certainly never taught me that word.

Of course the best area where I experienced a postive cultural exchange, as oppose to friendship was in the matter of food. Working there I used to eat with them after work and one Christmas they invited me to their special Christmas meal. The food they ate was often very different from the food they served. They also appreciated delicacies that most Brits would perhaps avoid, such as kung po eel (eel done in chillis). Although I ate this, I have no idea what eel tastes like as the chillis were all I could taste.

In hindsight I can see that they very carefully educated my taste buds so that by the time they invited me to join them for their special meal, I could enjoy it. They had bought special ingredients in Soho and some had been bought from Malaysia and Hong Kong and saved for this meal. Some of the things I ate are not things I would ever order, on principle. We had abalone, ancient chinese mushrooms, shark fin soup and more. I felt honoured to be invited to join them at the only time they could ever all take time off to eat together before midnight.

One day I was sat with two friends with an interest in such things. In my head there was a gentle image of forest and a river as we talked. One of them turned to me and said, I can see you right now as a Oriental man on a boat on a jungle river wearing one of those large straw hats. The other thought for a moment and agreed. I explained the picture in my head but said I could not see the man. They told me to shut my eyes and look at the reflection in the river. And then I saw what they saw.

So this year of the Ox, what does it mean? Apparently it is a year of honest hard and tireless work. The Ox is apparently the right sort of an animal to clear up messes and boy do we need that right now. No one gets a free ride though... A year without frills doesn't have to be without thrills though I guess, not when you have so much free nature on your doorstep. And weather is the greatest show out! So I guess the year of the Ox is a good year for diets... I hope... can I go and get a Chinese take away now? please?

Be Kind Rewind

I feel kind of nothing today... It has been a nice day but I don't have a focus from today so I don't know what to write about.

We started spring cleaning this morning and then took an old loaf of bread and some nuts to Tehidy where we fed various birds and the occasional squirrel. Last ime we were there, there were many squirrels around but I think most of them were sleeping today. At the sight of a walnut or hazelnut you could see their excitement and they would come and take it from your hand. I also fed the swans by hand to try and limit how much the gulls got. There were some beautiful adolescent swans that still had many of their dark feathers.

At home I had a nice long bath with a book and then made up some soup from turkey stock and left overs from a roast. This is only something I have learnt to do recently. I have for a years been throwing away excellent stock because I had no idea it was stock! I thought it was fat. Now that I keep it, it is obvious how little fat there is in it, because it comes to the surface. I also have been nervous to use leftovers as I have never been sure how long you can keep them for etc.

My family feeds scraps to the dogs but I find that mine tend to get a little whiffy if I do that. I am sure my Mum knows how to cook up scraps but it is another skill I didn't manage to pick up while living at home. Although I would help my Mum cook, I just did individual tasks as directed. Cooking a full meal is a very differeny skill. I still struggle with meals with multiple parts. F does all the roasts in our family (and very well he does them to!).

On the surface there is very little spiritual about my day. However it is the right time to spring clean. Reading my Llewellyn's calendar (Xmas pressie) for January there is an article on setting up a household shrine and Hestia, a Greek Goddess of the home. Cooking for family and feeding wild animals on a cold day in the middle of winter are also activities with a certain something to them as well...

Maybe the problem isn't with the spiritualness of my day but with the way I have perceived it. If it was a good day, then why do I feel sad this evening? Maybe it is the future than concerns me. Soon F will return to work and I shall possibly still have no job and an uncertain future. I work in admin but have qualifications to do more. Everyone has an uncertain future, it's just I feel very aware of that this evening. I guess I don't feel nothing then really.

Soul Food

I love food.

And I don't mean just a little bit. I probably love it too much sometimes! I have an unhealthy fascination with sweet foods but although these foods make me feel better they are not true soul food.

When F and I first lived together he was a master of frying. He converted me to the deep fat fryer and I converted him to non-chip shop fish. But then it all changed. I gave up smoking. My body gave up being thin (or at least thinnish).

Adjustments were made and as we settled in together we started using the fryer less and cooking more from scratch. The fryer now lies abandoned in a dark corner of the loneliest corner cupboard of our kitchen. It has stood on the brink of disposal many times and is likely to tip over the edge next time...

The true reasons have been lost in time but I found Riverford via the web and started to order a regular veg box from them. This helped with food budgeting and made sure I always had a selection of veg available when I felt the urge to cook more healthily.

It had a profound affect on my cooking. I could cook but having to be creative in order to work out what to do with celeriac or how to make the cabbage delivered for the fifth week in a row taste better taught me more. With help from Riverford's database of recipes on their website, recipes on their newsletters and now their cook book, I have even learnt how to make brussels sprouts taste nice! (roast with honey and onion and add toasted pine nuts)

My knowledge of how and when to use herbs and spices also improved and we just throw things in now. I can cook a stew (not hard I know but it is a different style of cooking than I had previously used) with dumplings of course.

Riverfords influence on our lives spread and we started using their meat to. I find it hard to go back to supermarket meat now. It is a luxury but one we both relish. I have a lovely rolled turkey breast stuffed with bacon and chesnuts and a duck frozen for New Years Day and the knowledge of how good they will be makes me salivate while writing this...

I have found that I have become more and more of a food snob. So has F even though he doesb't perhaps realise it yet because he is less of one than me. The other day he brought home a clipping from the West Briton with an offer for a lovely meal at Rick Stein's and a comment about his birthday... (Bare in mind he only ever used to eat chip shop fish)

So my fridge is now full of lovely cheese and meat and veg, with more veg outside and a box of fruit and nuts, all organic. I have wine for mulling, m & s deserts, organic apple juice and a jar of goose fat... And I can't wait to eat it all...

In all this it just left us with one little choice. Do we have roast chicken with S today? We thought long and hard but realised the answer had to be no. Christmas type meals three days in a row might be too much for him, and for us. So we thought long and hard about what would be a nice meal for us all. For S the perfect meal would be unhealthy and contain lots of meat and no veg (so like his father...). So here we are, the men watch TV and I type, eating snacky party foo to be followed by choclate cheese cake.

I think this meal is to satisfy the non-foodie food loving food part of me. May everyone enjoy their food as much as we are and shall over this Yule time.