Who Do You Think You Are? Part Four

Exercise 7 - The Themes I Have Already Seen

• I find contact with animals very rewarding both as pets or in nature. I am curious about them and enjoy assisting them.
• I find certain physical activities really draw me. They are sports more concerned with outdoor exploration than competition. I keep coming back to them but never quite devote the money to them to make them sustainable.
  
• I like using my body in a way that requires strength and movement but not speed.
• I like focused activities requiring a high degree of precision that allow me to make something. I particularly like making things with a strong geometrical aspect.
• I enjoy learning, each thing has to be different. Variety is the spice of life.
• I love a good story. Although I like writing, it is not the words that are most important but the story itself. I don't care how the story is put across so much. My dreams often take the form of stories.

Who Do You Think You Are? Part Four

Exercise 5 - Selecting 8 Key Achievements

1. Junior Reading Cup
2. Climbing Trees
3. Befriending Collie
4. AutoCAD and the lightbulb puzzle
5. Beading
6. Rescuing Big Dog
7. Making animations
8. Making a papier mache mask

Exercise 6 - My Eight Achievements

1. Junior Reading Cup

What was the achievement?
I won a prize for the best reading of a selected passage of text.

How did I get involved?
this was an annual competition held by my school, divided into several age groups. All you had to do was put your name on a piece of paper and then turn up at the time you were given. I always had a real have a go sort of an attitude, if someone gave me an opportunity, i would do it for the heck of it.

What did I do?
I turned up. I think while we were waiting outside we were given the book with a marked passage to look at and practice. I would read it through to myself a few times. Make sure I knew how to say any difficult words. Look at all the clues in the passage about how to say it, like punctuation and the emotion of the piece. Then I went in there and I read it with all my heart.

What did I find satisfying about it?
I love reading stories out loud. I always did from the times my Mum and I would read to each other. I loved reading to classes at school and I could hold them in the palm of my hand. I would do all the voices and really feel the story. We did a workshop as part of teacher training on reading out loud and using puppets and things. We had to read the opening page of a book and I chose Private Peaceful by Michael Morpurgo. Not only had I chosen a fantastic opening piece but was one of the best at reading it too. I love the stories and I love bringing them alive.


2. Climbing Trees

What was the achievement?
I was the best tree climber in my year at school.

How did I get involved?
We had extensive grounds at my school. It was old manor house and a lawn stretched away on one side leading to woods with paths between and a lovely big pond. Climbing trees was something we all did. There were no adults watching us and telling us to be careful, we were on our own.

What did I do?
I was able to look at a tree and plan a route up it. From this branch to that. I could just see how to get up. I was big and strong and tall and I liked using my body to go up.

What did I find satisfying about it?
I loved the feel of using my body. I loved being able to escape where nowhere else was able to reach me. I loved the view and the peacefulness. I loved the trees themselves to. The textures of the different barks, the way different types had different arrangements of branches. I felt part of the landscape by interacting with it.


3. Befriending Collie

What was the achievement?
As a child we had a collie. We had been given him when a relative moved from a farm and no longer had room for such a big active outdoor dog. He lived in our garden. If it was cold and we bought him in, he would get to hot and ask to go out again. He was a clever and independent sort of a dog. A man's dog.

How did I get involved?
The collie didn't like me much and I can't say as I blamed him. When I was little I used to do all sorts of nasty things, like pull his hair and push him around. One time I hit him over the head with my space hopper, I remember a set of teeth zooming towards my forehead. He didn't leave a mark, he just wanted to scare me. He was always a dog who felt the punishment should match the crime. As I got older I regretted that he didn't trust me and endeavoured to do something about it.

What did I do?
I did everything I could to take care of him. The nasty things obviously came to an end. I made sure I was the one to feed him. I gave him lots of fuss, when he would accept it. I would brush him.

What did I find satisfying about it?
He did begin to trust and like me. He never forgot, I could see it in his eyes. he never forgot the child he was but he accepted the person I wanted to become. He used to get matted fur, being outside and being a long haired dog. If you pulled his hair while brushing him he would turn round and pull on of your arm hairs. He would only let my Dad brush his back legs but eventually he would let me do it to. Being worthy in the eyes of an animal is a good thing.


4. AutoCAD and the Lightbulb Puzzle

What was the achievement?
I gained my City and Guilds in AutoCAD and had to complete some tricky geometrical puzzles in order to do it.

How did I get involved?
I did A level Design and Technology and as part of that we had to do a little CAD. I enjoyed it. The college decided to offer a City and Guilds and we were able to sign up to do it. I did, that old have a go mentality.

What did I do?
In our spare time we would go and work through exercises and finally some test pieces. I really enjoyed them, the trickier the better. We were not always given all the dimensions of the piece we were trying to replicate so we would build up a series of construction lines and use geometry to work out how to correctly draw each object. I remember a light bulb in particular in which we were not given the dimensions of many of the curved sections and had to work them out.

What did I find satisfying about it?
I loved it. I loved breaking the drawing down into layers, deciding where to put construction lines in order to know where to draw. I enjoyed planning the drawing and breaking it down so I could build it up on the screen. I enjoyed the puzzle.


5. Beading

What was the achievement?
Learning how to make beaded jewellery. I learnt a variety of stitches, such as peyote, herringbone and brick. I learnt how to begin and end pieces. I learnt to make freeform pieces. I learnt to make complicated pieces involving different sizes of beads and stitches. I learnt to use wire. I learnt to braid and use a loom. I unleashed my creativity which had not had an outlet in over a decade.

How did I get involved?
I worked for a group of glamorous ladies who always wore nice clothes and had lovely jewellery. I couldn't afford to buy all the things they did but it occurred to me tht I could learn to make them myself. Jewellery didn't seem to threatening so i signed up for a course. I learnt enough of the basics to carry on, using books and such. One of my local beading shops has a weekly class with a new design each week. If you don't go to the class you can still go in and look at the patterns and buy ones you like. I eventually went to the class as well. I learnt through making.

What did I do? I consider myself able to follow any pattern. I am even able, given time to work out the stitches, able to come up with complicated designs of my own.

What did I find satisfying about it?
I had not done anything creative in years. There wasn't time when i was studying and everything creative had slowly anished from my life after I left school. I enjoyed the creativity. The following of complex patterns. The colours and shapes. Having something nice at the end of it was a bonus.


6. Rescuing Big Dog

What was the achievement?
Big Dog was a mess when I got him. His wounds and health had been seen to before he was placed up for homing. He was still covered in scare and had a bare patch on his side where an M had been burnt with cigarettes. His jaw, tail and ribs had all been broken at some time in the past. Although his ills had been seen to, he was still a broken dog. If you uncrossed your legs, he thought you were going to kick him. If you raised your voice, he wet himself in fear. He was terrified of people. I had him for 7 1/2 years and when he died he had had a long and happy life. His early beginnings were long behind him. He was always a little odd but he learnt not to be terrified of everything.

How did I get involved?
My lodgers wanted me to get a dog. They promised to share in walking and feeding and costs. I knew they wouldn't. I knew they would forget as soon as I got a dog. I knew it would be my responsibility. I loved dogs but I wasn't sure I was ready. I was more than a little broken myself. I knew if I got a dog, it would be my responsibility and no one elses.

I was going home for a few days and during this time there was to be a greyhound fundraiser. I didn't tell my folks what I was thinking of. There were a few dogs there for rehoming and I nearly chickened out. Towards the end of the day there was an announcement that there was one dog left. I went to see it. It was already with the couple who were to take it home as a foster dog.

This black shiny dog and I stood and looked at each other. i have no idea who was more nervous. My only words were 'he'll do'. The foster folks had an interesting expression at my words but the charity rep knew my family pretty well, my Dad still works for the charity. So I had no need of a home check or any such. And just like that Big Dog was mine.

What did I do?
I walked him twice a day - quite a thing for a girl of my age to be walking a big dog who was looked like they had been thoroughly abused. Particularly as he was so obnoxious with other dogs when on the lead. i don't think anyone ever thought for more than a couple of seconds that I might have been the one though.

I fed him and gave him a roof. He could always retreat to my room if he was scared and he often did. People could come in the house when i wasn't in and never know there was a dog because he was hidden away. I gave him lots of love. I didn't abuse him. and I was very, very patient. I accepted him as he was and loved him and in time he grew into an almost normal dog. there is something about dogs who have abusive pasts. They are somehow more grateful and loving because they know they are lucky. They have more personality and quirks. The relationship is somehow more rewarding and deeper.

What did I find satisfying about it?
What isn't satisfying about helping a broken soul mend itself? What wouldn't be satisfying about loving and being loved? I didn't try and make him other than what he was and he loved me as i was. He stopped me from being lonely and alone.


7. Making Animations

What was the achievement?
Learning to make simple animations using a web cam and software. I made two - some playdough worms running around and a group one of Moses parting the dead sea.

How did I get involved?
A requirement of my teacher training course.

What did I do?
We made models and for the Moses one we made a simple paper set as well. Plasticine and playdough. Then when you shoot the it, you have to take a picture and then move things very slowly before taking another picture. Making a short animation takes a fair bit of work and a systematic and careful approach.

What did I find satisfying about it?
I like working on things slowly and thoroughly that give me a nice rewarding concrete thing at the end. I like being precise and thorough.


8. Making a Papier Mache Mask

What was the achievement?
I made a papier mache mask from scratch in one morning.

How did I get involved?
A requirement of my course.

What did I do?
I had an idea in my head. I didn't want to work in a pair so I didn't, even though I am not sure my lecturer was too impressed. I got there early so that I could start straight away. I carefully cut out my card base with eye and mouth holes. I carefully made the features of the face with card and wire and masking tape. Then I covered it all in newsprint and cellulose paste. Once this was done I added small pieces of different colour tissue papers. I then sprinkled bluey greeny glitter over the top and left it to dry.

What did I find satisfying about it?
I liked realising a creative vision. I liked what I made. I like having my mask on my wall.


If you have made it this far then I am really impressed. This really wasn't written for an audience. I just find writing things on my blog helps them to get written. They somehow have more purpose and meaning behind them. I also find it easier to complete things if I blog about them.

Who Do You Think You Are? Part Three

Exercise Four - Telling my Story

Childhood
Ace tree climber
Junior reading cup
Learning to Ride
Catching crickets with my bare hands
Matchstick model of a playground

Teenage Years
Progress in Gym Cup
Learning to Kayak
Diving off a boat
Scuba diving through a wreck
Catching birds in order to release them
Befriending collie
AutoCAD and the lightbulb puzzle
Learning Tai Chi
Picking fruit for my Mum
Making a working group model of crane

Twenties
Returning to riding and learning how to tell horse to go sideways
Learning how to scuba dive
Learning to bead
Laying flooring
Moving to Cornwall
Rescuing Big Dog

Thirties
Completing kayaking course on River Fal
Making animations
Making a papier mache mask
Learning how to silk paint
Learning how to use a bead loom

I don't remember to much of my childhood really but i did loads as a teen. I competed nationally in stock judging and public speaking and did pretty well. I did a group project to design and make a building energy management system. I was part of a sound and lighting crew for several college productions. I spoke on the radio for my college. I completed work experience in engineering for an airline. I won a prize for an electrical engineering project. I am not saying I didn't gain pleasure from these things but it was the doing not the achieving and they were 'interesting' more than pleasurable. It was also during these years that I came down with glandular fever.

My second bout of glandular fever began at 19 and turned into Chronic fatigue that took up all my early twenties. Once well I moved to Cornwall and did my degree. I loved studying. Really loved it and it took over my life a little. I made some fantastic friends I still have and really, really enjoyed it but the achievement of it, the first class honours, the final awful year of slog, all empty. By the time I had finished I was tired, run down, exhausted and depressed. My twenties finished better than they started though, much better and I was beginning to get my life together again.

Who Do You Think You Are? Part Two

Exercise 3 - My First Thoughts on my Achievements

• I was the best tree climber in my year at school. I was bigger than a lot of the other kids and although I wasn't quick, I was strong. I loved climbing trees. Up there I could escape. I knew the best trees in the school grounds. Some trees I could get so high up, I could see over the woods. I would sit up there and just enjoy.
• I won the junior reading cup. This involved reading a selected passage and the one who read it the best, won. I still love reading stories. I loved this part of being in school most. I could hold a class in the palm of my hand with a book. My last school felt I spent too long reading stories, that I should rush through them and onto the next thing. My Mum and I used to read to each other. She would buy a book and come snuggle in bed with me each night. We did this long after most parents would have stopped because we both enjoyed it. I remember when we were younger my Mum used to make up stories too, the hippo that lived in the drain by the bus stop and lived on the rose hips from the bush in the field behind.
• Gym. Being a larger kid, it took a little longer for me to gain control of my body, but I did, eventually. We used to have to do gym and make up routines on a theme. The very last term we did gym, my group did a fantastic routine. Our teacher considered it perfect and we nearly got to go in the school's honours book but one of the girls couldn't do the final head turn right, she kept forgetting. I had made the most progress of all of us and I won the Progress in Gymnastics cup. I loved that I had finally gained control.
• Riding. I decided at about the age of 7 or 8 that I wanted to ride. My Mum is terrified of horses but let me go to the stables at the end of our road anyway. I loved it. I still do when i get a chance. I love the whole feeling of it. The speed. The horses themselves. Getting out and about. Learning to do things well. I was a good rider for my age but I stopped. The stables shut and it was harder to get anywhere to ride. I went back to riding a few years ago and I loved it, cantering across the top of a hill on a windy day, figuring out how to tell that beautiful horse to step sideways.
• One of our PE teachers gave us the opportunity to learn to kayak in the schools pool. I was the only one from my year that did it and found my self with a group of younger girls. I loved it. I loved that the power in my body gave me the ability to move swiftly. One time I was ill and missed a session introducing new strokes allowing finer movements. The next week the teacher set up a course for us to get through. I had a go without the new strokes and I did it, very slowly and carefully and thoughtfully. I went on a camp in Scotland and went for day kayaking on a loch. Suddenly having space, I was able to develop a paddling rhythm that I never could in the small pool. I loved exploring. More recently I did a kayaking course on the River Fal. The Fal is part of a flooded river valley and the sea causes it to be tidal as far as Truro. It is very beautiful and there are many little tree lined creeks. We got to explore some of these. I never got to buy a kayak but F and I have been looking at some with speculation more recently, the sit on ones for playing in the surf.
• I went to Malta with my family and one day we went on a days boat trip. For lunch the boat stopped in a cove and we were able to swim and explore. I spent quite a bit of dive diving of the side of the boat. It was a long way down. I had never been able to persuade myself to dive off the high diving boards in a pool but here I was with no one watching, diving from just as high. My Mum tried to persuade me to jump but I soon discovered that that hurt and diving was far, far safer.
• On the same holiday I went scuba diving for the first time. I loved the feeling of freedom of movement. I loved the quiet. I went several times. Didnt see much. A sea slug I think was about it. The last time though was through a little wreck. I always wanted to do more and I did eventually. Unfortunately I discovered my ears are a real weakness. I had always been prone to ear infections and this was still an issue, even if I had no idea I had one. One day I went diving and discovered in the worst possible way that I had one. I burst my ear drum. Diving isn't a risk I am willing to take any more. I had a hole for nearly a year, I couldn't swim and had to be so careful washing my hear. And the pain! It is a regret because I truly loved it.
• As a child I remember being on a beach and picking up handfuls of sand. I was most surprised to find I had picked up a tiny flat fish. I am not sure my folks understood why I spent the rest of our time there intently picking up sand. I had a similar encounter with a bat. My parents were bell ringers and I spent a lot of time fiddling with things I shouldn't. One day I picked up some mould from the bottom of a vase and it untucked its head and looked at me before flying off. I have also had fantastic encounters with a seal and a badger. In primary school I was a loner and spent a lot of time catching crickets with my hands. I also used to catch birds as they would sometimes fly into my parents bedroom or our conservatory. Then there were my encounters with an Adder and a Slow Worm. i never did anything nasty to any of these animals, i was just fascinated by them, they were special moments of curiousity.
• I remember spending time building things as a child. Extravagant constructions of paper, card and toilet rolls. I remember spending a lot of time making a model of a playground out of matchsticks for guides. I could become very absorbed in my projects and spend a long time happily alone doing them. Knowing my Mum was elsewhere but nearby should i need her.
• I remember loving David Bellamy. From an early age I was fascinated by him and the things he spoke of. I love bogs and mud probably because of him. I was one of his books before I could even read and I still have it, well thumbed and adored.
• Carrying on with bogs. I love bogs, mires, swamps, reed banks and fens. I adore them. One branch of my family originates from the fens. Maybe love of bogs is in my genes. I love willow carr, a type of habitat found hereabouts. Low willow trees growing out of shallow mud and water. Lovely woodland bogs. Green and verdant and wild. I feel a connection to them. For me they are sacred places.
• While on my teacher training, I learnt how to make animations. I really loved this. Only simple things. As a group we had to do a cross curricular animation in English. I suggested RE, because it is full of stories and we did Moses parting the dead sea. It was so simple but so effective. I also did another animation of some blobs of playdough shaped into worms wriggling around each other. Simple but fun.
• I find beading satisfying. I particularly love using beads to form 3D shapes. Changing sides of beads to make a simple stitched piece curl into a spiral. Making hexagons, squares, triangles. I loved the way combining two stitches created the eggbox bracelet i made recently. I love freeform pieces. Funky shapes.
• Actually my love of geometry goes deeper. I always loved it. I liked geometrical constructions in Maths. Not surprisingly I loved CAD. The planning of breaking an object down into shapes so you can logically form it on the screen. Some of our tests in my City and guilds required a good geometrical understanding. I think the most satisfying test was to draw a lightbulb. We were not given enough dimensions to make it simple, drawing it correctly was quite a lovely little geometrical puzzle.
• When I first went to Uni in the city I did a Tai Chi course. I loved it. She didn't just teach us Tai Chi but other forms of meditation as well. I remember losing myself in a lovely walking meditation one time. In the short course we didn't get very far throught the forms and I got glandular fever and wasn't able to do it the following term. My most powerful memory of it though, was one of the last sessions. I connected with something inside myself. I guess those forms blasted me open. I left class feeling like I could touch and feel everything. I was so sensitive. It was such a high and so beautiful. Maybe I connected with some past life stuff, there have been many hints I have a far eastern connection. Maybe I was a master of Tai Chi and practiced it every morning with the rising sun in more than one life. Maybe I opened up to much and it in some way caused my illness because I didn't have the training to deal with it. I don't know. Do you?
• My parents garden always made me happy. Not just because of all the trees to climb. My folks have some currant bushes and even though i would never touch the currants (I was very pernickety bout fruit and veg as a kid) i loved picking them. I would go and take a stool and the big orange bowl and sit in the sun. My Mum hated doing it but loves making jam and things so this suited us both fine. Dogs would litter the grass, basking in the sun and when they got too hot they would move under the shade of the apple trees.
• I love watching the environment. My folks had a veg patch but it wasn't really there thing and it got left. Because it wasn't mowed, all sorts grew on it. Now nearly thirty years on, it's nickname is the copse. Full of low trees such as buckthorn and hawthorn. There is however a very special tree that I have watched grow and feel a special connection to. A grand oak. In the roots of this oak sit the dreams I held when i moved here and they came true. I always sneak off and give it a hug when I go home.
• During my teacher training we had to spend a morning making a papier mache mask. We wers upposed to do it in pairs. I was so excited about it and wanted my own just made by me. So I did (not sure what the teacher thought). I had to shift my tail to get it done but i did. I had an image in my head. The teacher felt we should make big oversized and exagerated masks. Mine isn't like that. she was the most delicate in the class. Elegantly shaped cheek bones, forehead and chin. A dainty nose. Covered in little squarish pieces of tissue paper in blues with glitter sprinkled over. She is a sea sprite, an elemental of the water.
• Once upon a time I was on an engineering taster course. We had to make a crane as part of a team. It had to be able to move loads along and up and down. Ours was a truly elegant design and I loved it. We won a little prize.
• I love stationary and paper. My Dad was a printer before he retired. I would raid his sack of paper offcuts for nice coloured strips of paper. His stationary cupboards and catalogues were fair game. Every visit to the factory and i would be there, nose in cupboard. I love pens and pencils. I love the smell of hot ink on paper. I have lots of pens and pencils and papers now. I love the tools of craftiness. I like power tools as well. I like my drill. I liked cutting flooring with a jigsaw and laying it. I liked soldering when I did electronics.
  

You know what, writing these things has bought a smile to my face. It surprises me a little that I havn't written abou my first class honours degree and gold medal. My music exams and prizes. Other competitions and prizes for a wide variety of things. I guess these things are achievements in most peoples book but they are not the ones that made me happiest, in fact I am not sure they made me happy at all, they felt pretty empty.

I did this exercise before and it is strange how different the two lists are. This one makes me smile. The other is full of things I felt should be on it. There are also so many things I have forgotten... The time I climbed down to an isolated cove for a skinny dip. The set of runes I made from clay i dug up and baked in the oven.

Who Do You Think You Are? Part One

Went to the doctors today and it seems my virus as well as laying me low generally has gifted me a chest infection. I had noticed yesterday that my breathing felt laboured and today that has only worsened. I feel week as a kitten. The nice doctor has given me a precious piece of paper signing me off work all of next week and entitling me to statutory sick pay.

So here I am for the next nine days, unless I suddenly feel better and develop an overwhelming desire to return to work early.

Sitting here thinking about my path, I remembered a book I had bought. Another lovely self-help book called Who do you think you are? by Dr Nick Isbister and Dr Martin Robinson. It is all about identifying what motivates you, your abilities etc. The perfect book for someone trying to work out where they should be.

I started this book before but never got all the way through. I have found doing these sorts of books on my blog very helpful, although not necessarily very exciting for others to read.

So here goes.....

Exercise One - Hopes for me
What are you looking for from the 'Who Do You Think You Are?' process?
Although I like the people I work with, i don't always overly enjoy my work itself. I also don't enjoy working full time, 9 to 5. I don't think it suits me. I want to do something else but i don't know what. I know I have a tendency to get bored, so to do it for a living it has to be something that really suits me.

What's been prompting you to think about this?
It is an old question for me and one I have never really found an answer to. Work is in a rough patch at th moment. I am not sure how healthy my employers are in the current climate. I am not sur ehow healthy any employer is at the moment. Being ill and not wanting to go back, mostly cos I felt ick, has given me a kick. I don't like not being able to listen to my body and take time out when I need to. I knew nearly a week before I came down with this bug that things were not right. Left to my own devices I would have withdrawn and chances are I would not be sat here right now, being this ill.

What do you hope to have at the end of working through this process?
I hope to have a far better understanding of myself and my motivations and enjoyments at the very least. At best it may give me a new direction in life which will help me to get some where better for me. I also think figuring out what you should be doing helps to walk the right path. The path with heart.

Exercise Two - My Dreams and Aspirations
I did a whole page on word of clouds filled with dreams aspirations. Stronger ones in bolder clouds but I am not sure I could bring it onto blogger so here is a list instead...

• Grow Food
• Preserve food
• Home brew
• Husbandry
• Edible flowers
• Herbs
  
• Be fit and healthy
• Tai chi
• Kayak
• Ride
• Thin
• Eat healthy home cooked food
  
• Live in tune with beliefs
• With the seasons
• Celebrate
  
• Family
• Get married
• Children
• Dogs
  
• Learning
• History
• Explore land around me
  
• Crafts
• Live sustainably
• Build eco-home
• Own land
• Conservation
• Land management
  

That is all for now, my head is hurting....