My Dream Home

In my dreams I have been long torn by the prospect of an old house, full of history and time, and the joy of a new eco house, custom built for me. Last night I became decided once and for all what I want because I found it. I lost my heart completely. I couldn't sleep last night for thinking of my new love. I read all I could on the internet as well....

It is a little on the expensive side at 2.75 million and it is rumoured that celebrities have been to view it. I feel quite strongly that it shouldn't go to such a person. I have a strong feeling that this house shouldn't belong to a Trust or be open to the public. It should be looked after by a follower of the Goddess.

It should have children and life and not be frozen as a museum or primped into a flash showpiece. I should be first and foremost a home - both for a family and for the spirit that inhabits this place. Maybe it could be used as a retreat. It needs to be safeguarded as a sacred place, not have it's power leached away by a parade of families with unhappy children held behind a rope and not allowed to touch. Stonehenge has not lost it's power but the rules in place there make it a shadow of what it could be...

I personally think the current owner feels this too. This is an excerpt from an article you can read in full here.

It's an incredibly feminine house," says Richard. "It has a good feeling. You could sleep on the floor, all on your own, and you'd be perfectly happy."

Those who have watched the film will recall the sweeping lawn between the front of the house and the lake, and the sloping beech woodland behind. "All the wildlife gets condensed in the valley. Every day we see deer, badgers and owls and at night, there is total darkness, just stars. We never experienced that in Sussex," says Richard.

He will miss the woodland the most: "The trees are enormous up there. But you're only ever a custodian of a house like this – you have to pass it on to someone else."

Nevertheless, he is determined to be choosy about who buys it – no property developers, for example. But there is a chance it could sell to a celebrity, given that several "high profile" people have viewed it already, according to Jonathan Cunliffe of Savills, who is handling the sale. "It doesn't surprise us. Every other house like this is owned by the National Trust," he says.

The site has been inhabited at least since Saxon times and it is believed that the current house is built on the site of an older house with part of an older building possibly being the kitchen. In 1564 a lady called Alice Reskymer left the hosue to the church and it became a rectory. A succession of religous folk from London bought architectural ideas to the house. In the early 1900s a retiring rector built a new rectory rather than leave his beloved home.

In recent years the history of the hous has been troubled. In 2002 the owners went bankrupt and the house was in disrepair. Things had become rather unpleasant all round as shown in this article. The new owners pumped in money and the external rennovations have been completed and inside is a blank slate, requiring more money and time.

The house is huge, far, far bigger than I would ever, ever really need.... Downstairs there is a drawing room, reception room, sitting room, dining room, family room, kitchen, boiler room and an octagonal music room. There is a courtyard and then a coach house with three bedrooms. Oak panelling abounds and the ceilings are impressive shapes. Upstairs there are eight bedrooms with the master suite including a bathroom, dressing room and morning room. The attic hasn't been included as bedrooms and includes a further five rooms.... Then there are outbuildings....

But it isn't the house itself that draws the most, despite it being an undisputed beauty, featured in the film Saving Grace where the lady of the manor fights to save it from the bank by growing cannabis. (very funny) Just outside the house there is a hexagonal walled garden and at the centre of it there is a well. It is hinted that the well might have had a previous religious importance but I would say that that is pretty undoubtable. To add to this there is an ancient turf labyrinth in the mature woods around which wrongdoers would crawl on their hands and knees in penance.

Go have a look at the house here. Once the house is off the market, this link will vanish....

The house is private and situated within mature woodlands. It has a front and rear drive, 38 acres including a five acre field. It has a mill pond and the river appears to run through from the map.

Maybe I can win the lottery tonight... A seven million jackpot would possibly enable me to buy it and restore it but I suspect I wouldn't be left with millions afterwards but I could do it, if I won... Short of me winning, pray that this place falls into the right hands, for Wetherham is a gem, unique.

Escapism

I still feel icky. Not sure why. Maybe some nasty little virus has snuck into my system and lying it low. Maybe it is psychosomatic. Maybe I just don't want to go back to work. Maybe it is all of these. I have no energy and I feel like a limp lettuce.

It makes me nervous because last time I felt like this, I had Chronic Fatigue. I have been clear for some time, which makes me one of the lucky ones. It scares the bejeesus out of me, the thought of going back where I was. I suspect everytime some bug lays me low, that fear will be there.

I think my dalliance with that nasty bug has always been about my life not being as it should be. I think the further we get from the way we should be living, the more open we are to these nasties. Once in our bodies they make themselves at home.

School didn't make me happy. University (the first time round) didn't make me happy. I am not happy now. So what would make me happy? Is my idea of a perfect life really so perfect? Is it a delusion? What is it I want?

So let's focus on that. That dream. Just for a little while. It sure is a nicer place than my achy head for starters.

*******

I am, when in the best of health, an early riser. So I would get up and leave F and Little Dog happily snoozing for one is not an early riser and the other is not a quick riser. I would go downstairs and brew up a nice cup of herbal tea. I would take it through to another room and leave it to cool.

If it is warm I would go out onto a patio or verandah or deck and practice some tai chi. Say it is Summer and the sun is still low in the sky. I would feel the warmth of the sun on my face as I connect with all that is.

After, I would pause and drink my tea on a chair and watch the birds at the bird table, mostly blue tits. I would hope that a wood pecker would visit. Little Dog hearing that I had finished would appear, all bleary eyed and graciously accept some stroking. Then we would move off for a walk.

I would maybe take a wicker basket with me. Little Dog would lope around sniffing things as we move through the morning with quiet enjoyment. We would go let the chickens out and give them some food and maybe find some eggs for breakfast. Little Dog of course would want to get in and visit.... We would stop and say hello to the pigs and the goats and the cow and sheep and horses and check their water and maybe give them some food although they probably wouldn't need it this time of year so much. If we have some goats or cows producing milk I would have taken a pail and stool with me to milk them.

We would walk down by the river first and pause there before turning back up through the forest garden where I would pause and gather a few berries maybe for breakfast. Then we would go to the veg patch and greenhouse and I would turn on the water and check the plants and maybe pick some herbs for the eggs. Some rosemary maybe.

Finally we would return to the house, I would top up Little dogs food and then hop in the shower before cooking breakfast. The smell would lure F from bed and we would eat together on the verandah. It would still be early

I would then maybe do a couple of hours in the gardens, weeding or hoeing, planting or pruning or maybe some harvesting. Or maybe spend some time in the green house. Whatever needed doing. Maybe the pigs needed moving from one enclosure in the woods to another to give the plants a chance to regrow. F would be pottering to and doing man things probably.

After a few hours work, as it starts to get hot, we would return to the house with some food for lunch. Things for a salad maybe. Maybe I would have some things from a full harvest. Things to spend the afternoon pickling or jarring or jam making.

After lunch I would potter a little in my studio or maybe sit with a book for a bit. I love harvesting fruit. I always have done. I used to climb trees for the plums or sit on a stool picking berries.

What I would do would depend on the seasons. The morning routine of tai chi, dog walk and animal care would be pretty consistent but the rest would vary. More arts and crafts in the winter. More garden graft in the spring and early summer. Much harvesting and preserving in the autumn and late summer.

Some days we would escape and go out. Others I would go to a class. Some evenings friends would come over and we would eat and be merry. Sometimes we might go and find some culture, take a picnic to the Minack and see a play.

Maybe one day there would be children. A baby snoozing in a play pen with a sun screen as I pick berries. A toddler asking constant questions and chasing the goats, before they chase him back. A child going off to school (a school without SATs and pressure) and then returning to climb trees and build dams. A teenager maybe fishing in the river or giggling with girl friends over something on the TV.

Maybe F would go out to work. Maybe I would be a world renowned author, writing in the winter and living off the royalties of a train of books. Maybe I would be an artisan with all sorts for sale on etsy, supplementing an income. Maybe I would be rich and have no worries about money at all. It is the living closer to the land I dream of.

Wishful Thinking

I have dreams, just like most people. A couple of days ago, i found the embodiment of those dreams. 42 acres, with 6 of woodland, 32 of fields, a couple of gardens and the rest of sundry areas including a nice long private drive. A beautiful old house with bags of charm and character. A barn converted into three letting cottages, another barn, a garage and an external study. With a river running through and plenty of watery-ness. Perfect.

So in the interests of manifestation I have decided to spend a lot of time picturing myself living there. Manifestation is a big topic in the Artist's Way for this week. Putting your dreams out there and allowing the universe to fulfil them is what it's all about. Now I would love to see the universe give me the means to buy a mini-estate with a value of over a million pounds, but short of freak accidents to everyone I am related to or the lottery jackpot coming my way, I can't see it happening. Losing my family would be too high a price to pay for any dream. At the root of this dream is the desire for place and family afterall.... And with a family like mine I already have so much to be grateful for.

So I have a dull job that I can do and let my brain take me off to other places. This week I have been living on the estate and to be honest, I have really, really enjoyed it. I am not finding it easy picturing everyday like, mostly because I don't know whether we would be working, or me at home with a fledgling brood or what. I picture walking with Little Dog through the woods and to the river. I picture vague shadows of other unknown dogs cavorting around but I don't know them, how they would come to us or when and I certainly have no fixed ideas of what they might look like.

To be honest, what I seem to be spending most time on is my wedding. Or rather the party to be held afterwards on my mini-estate. The complex details of families and festivities have sucked me in. I have struggled with the idea of a venue for my wedding and suddenly, here it is.

Now you might think I am getting my hopes up about nothing and to be honest, maybe I am, at least a part of me is. The rest of me however has discovered that dwelling in this lovely dream is a beautiful place to take my mind away from the dullness of work. I feel happy. I have spent the the last couple of days in the place of my dreams and no one can take that away from me. Fancy joining me tomorrow?

Home of the Heart

There is a series on TV at the mo - Kirstie's Homemade Home. It is a show about one person, who happens to be a well known TV house hunter and interiors and her process of making her new house into a unique home.

She has a go at crafts, restores things, buys from scrap yards, markets and auctions, pulls things out of skips and visits inspirational homes. I love it and hate it all at the same time. It isn't about making do it is about having the best. For instance last week she happened to have an ornate thingummy jig that cost her £200 at an auction. I love some of the craft ideas and seeing her have a go and I like the ethos, I just don't like the fact that even with this ethos, she is playing outside my league financially.

I also don't entirely like her style. It sometimes feels as she is recreating that slightly eccentric, we've lived here for generations, upper class rich Brit style. I think whoever came up with the show must have been trawling blog land though because what she is doing seems to be an articulation of what so many bloggers out there are trying to do. We all seem to believe in the same things, we all want homes not designer pads - or at least the bloggers I associate with do! I am sure there is blog tribe out there celebrating minimalism and monotone living.

Thing is, know how is so important! Not just with the skills themselves but with where to buy what things you need. For instance, I know I can use wire and beads to create lampshades, but where do you buy frames from? What fittings do I need to make it safe? What wiring? Where do you start?

You see, I have a problem! I want to know everything, I want to do everything but I just don't have the time... or the money or the know how. And I do mean I want to know everything! I put a few things on my to do list - tai chi, calligraphy, binging, bird call identification, constellation identification but there are so many more and I am adding them all the time! Geomancy, knitting, stained glass and wrought iron work just this weekend! *laugh*

I think sometimes I undervalue what I already know so lets have a list of a few...

• I can braid
• I can use a bead loom
• I can do bead and wire work
  
• I can do bead weaving
• I can do papier mache
• I can do a little wiring
• I can do some hand sewing
• I can do some paper crafting
• I can mould a bit of clay
• I can paint
• I can take photographs
• I can do a bit of computer wizardry

But I guess my real talents are...

• I have a really good background in all the sciences because my degree in Environmental Science was multi-disciplinary
• I can research and I love books
  
• I can follow instructions

So mixing chemicals to make soap, that's chemistry..... Flower arranging is practical biology.... Piling pebbles together is geology.... Making a mobile is physics....

OK so I have convinced myself I can do anything, where do I get the time and money from?

Childhood Room

I had a lovely big room as a child with lots of light.

My parents have a long thin house with two staircases and two rooms upstairs are connected. My room was one of those so it had two ways in. It also had the door to the airing cupboard so when I was reading in my room I would often have my Mum come in to hang washing up and have a chat.

It had windows on two opposite sides. A lovely big high up dormer window on one side flooded it with light while a tiny old fashioned under the eaves window had less obvious delights. It was the little window that the clematis grew in through. It was the little window that allowed reflections of flowers and grass and people on the path below to appear blurrily on my sloping ceiling when there was bright sunshine.

The ceiling sloped on both sides and so did my floor more subtly. The old wooden skeleton of the house was exposed and black while the brick inbetween was white. Everything was uneven. I had a basin with a mirror with a horse silhouette sticker and a glass shelf above. In the winter my pipes would freeze. There was a black shelf in the other corner by the airing cupboard which was home to a china schoolroom which was a light as well as one of the speakers of my hi-fi.

Inbetween the airing cupboard and one of the other doors was my bed, an oversize single that had been my dad's as he had grown up. One wall had a fitted wardrobe with a window seat under the little window. I hated it, ugly varnished pine slats with big round door knobs.

I had three bookcases, a tall skinny by my bed, a lovely glass doored one that had been my Gran's until she moved and an old church one that sat on the big wooden desk. In order to make things tidy everything would get pushed under my bed. Sometimes things ended up there that I never remembered taking to my bedroom and had no interest in.

the house would creak and make a whole host of noises as it moved and each and evry noise was familiar and comforting. I never had nightmares as a child, although my older sister would sometimes drift through my room to my parent's like some pale ghost.

I had a painted paper fish mobile which sat in my dormer window and a small collection of beswick horses. The posters changed many times.....

When I go home I don't get to sleep in it very often now because F and I don't fit in a single bed. Sometimes if I go home alone I do and I love it. Being in that room.

I guess the thing I loved most was the airy spacy light feeling even thouh I had plenty of clutter. I loved the light so much, I always had plenty and a beautiful view of the sky. I miss that. I have big windows in my house but they face the wrong way mostly to get good light, I don't have views of the sky either...

Home

Not sure if I have mentioned, but I am really, really messy. F is a hoarder and I like clutter. We are both bad at housework. We both put things off. Our house is a tip.

Add into this that my house is still a doer uper after nearly a decade. It has had so many big things done to it and there are still more to come. Still with F's new job may be we will be able to afford to get on it again a little.

Today I started gathering up rubbish in the lounge and in the spare room where I do my craft bits. I made a lot of progress and realised that we need to do a car boot. F and I have been talking about this but we really have to do it. I need to get better at emptying bins and putting things in them in the first place. I really don't have to keep everything. Letting go is a good thing...

We also have bad furniture. It doesn't match what we need or how we live. In fact this house doesn't match us either but then that is another story. I do love this house but I am not a townie. We don't need three beds, there are two of us and a dog and we tend to share the same bed although Little Dog doesn't manage to persuade us all the time and sometimes she has to resort to sneaking on once we are asleep. We need a sofa bed maybe in one room to put up the very occasional guest.

We need wardrobes but we need ones that fit along one wall with no awkward gaps, not three towering things. We need to sort out the damp. We need to seal the walls and paper them and then put all the bookcases up against them and fill them with the books that crowd the house.

The hamster cage, the clothes that don't fit, the microwave, countless ornaments they all MUST GO! I am sure we could make some money...

The old car batteries, the spare wheels, the dead TV, the old dead computers, the decrepit old computer desk they all MUST GO! to the dump for they are no use to anyone... except maybe the spare wheels...

I have no idea why I hang onto clothes. I have slowly gained weight and kept everything, just in case but would I really wear this stuff if I lost weight anyway now? Do I ever want to wear a suit again? Do I ever intend to go to a ball? Do I have to keep my bridemaids dress as mys ister has been divorced for years? Do I have to keep the things I used to wear out clubbing, long before I met F? Maybe I am protecting myself from seeing how few clothes I truly have that fit and look nice....

I have so many ideas for nice tweaks and personalised things. Things I have seen in some places and plan on borrowing. Things I have come up with by myself.

So my bedroom... (oops the family bedroom) It currently contains three wardrobes, bed, two bedside tables, a chest, a dressing table and stool and a chair. I want it all gone, except the chest, it went to India with an ancestor and a bit of metal wool and some paint and it will look lovely in our sash window which stretches almost from floor to ceiling.

I want a fitted wardrobe all along one wall, which fits everything in it and has nice storage on top as well. I want a bed with room for storage underneath and also an area for Little Dog's bed because she is always happiest going to sleep in an enclosed space. If there is thunder or fireworks or the slightest possibility of them she goes and sleeps in the wardrobe.

I want to sort our floorboards out so they are nice and flat and then I want to get newspaper and lots of paste and create a floor, all nicely sealed up. Then I want to coat it in tinted gloss. F thinks I am a little crazy with this one... What do you think? *laugh*

I have seen branches full of charms hung above beds and washing line with things pegged on and I love the idea of something like this above our bed.

I want a room which has adequate storage and space and a comfy bed, where you don't have to cling onto your pillow to stop it disappearing under the headboard and I so need a new mattress...

I want a house free of clutter.... I want a house I can truly live in... A house I can invite others to without feeling shame. I want it to look alright when my sister comes to visit. I guess in the time all I can hope for is that it looks presentable...

Leader / Manager

As I have said before, F doesn't have a problem with living with a logical / mathematical / sciencey type of a woman. He may not be those things but in many ways, what he is, is far more useful. In Gardeners' multiple intelligences he would definitely come up as gifted in interpersonal intelligence. He has an easy way with him that charms people and sets them at ease.

I love it because when we are together it rubs off on me a little and people are 'easier' with me. I take time to get to know people and it can take a while before I really relax with people and with some, I never do. With him however I find myself giggling at the check outs with the shop assistants. I really value his intelligence.

What surprises me sometimes is that he values mine and knows how to make use of it. He doesn't resent it, but he knows what I enjoy, what I am good at and how to use that to help us both. He is the leader but I am the manager in this relationship. He supplies direction and interesting tangents and I organise stuff. The role of overall boss switches between us depending on what we need.

We live in a badly organised house that needs a fair bit of work. We need changes in furntiure in many rooms because a lot of it is what we inherited and doesn't work for us at all. One example is our bedroom. I inherited a beautiful matching set, bed, bedside cabinets, dressing table and stool, his and hers wardrobes - all giant and dark. We desperately want it all gone, as well as the third giant dark wardrobe in our bedroom. We want a bed, a fitted wardrobe along one wall and my old trunk in the window.... The giant double spare bed needs to go and be replaced with a sofa bed so we have room, but still have the ability to have people over, and move all my bookcases upstairs.

Now he is earning more than me, we have the ability to slowly start changing things but there is so much to do. So much junk to get rid of or sell at the car boot. So much furniture to get rid of and replace. I don't always feel like doing stuff. When F does stuff he often doesn't prioritise quite as i would like or leaves things undone that make things more tricky... but he does do stuff (unlike me, mostly). When I do something I really get it sorted but it is a slightly exhausting process....

A while back f told me to sort out how it should all be done, what order. I didn't actually think he meant it and I didn't do it. Yesterday F made it clear that he was a little narked by this, that he really did want me to write lists and prioritise and organise... The house is a delicate jigsaw and we need to make space in such and such a place before we can move that. I still havn't done it, but then he won't be home till tomorrow and I am going to go do it now....

If i tell him what needs doing, it might just get itself done.... but only because he told me to go manage...

Home

When I was one my parents finalised there move from London to the country, to a lovely house where they remain to this day, but not for many more years as they plan to move. When they moved, buying old houses and doing them wasn't quite so popular as it is now...

The house was originally two farm labourers cottages which would each of only had two rooms. One up, one down. The house got expanded over the years but this wasn't done unsympathetically. The house is mostly wood framed with red brick. The wood is black and pocked with the holes of long dead wood worms. The roof tiles are also red and covered in moss. Nothing is straight or square or flat. The doors are low. The windows are leaded and only secondary glazing keeps the draughts out. The walls are one brick thick and move with the weather so that sometimes, in certain places you might catch a glimpse of daylight. Draughts also come through the gaps. Each bedroom has a basin and if you let the tap drip in the winter the pipes freeze. The floors downstairs are brick and sometimes if there has been a lot of rain, water oozes up between them.

The house was built over 400 years ago and has no foundations. Many trees were planted in the garden and one in particular is now linked to the house. A giant willow tree lives in the front garden and it's roots stretch under the hosue and support it. In the back garden there are three giant lime trees that are also close to the house. A large part of the garden is flanked by trees, yew, fruit trees and others and there is also an orchard and much hawthorn hedging. I spent much time as a child climbing the trees of the garden.

When my parents moved there they created a vegetable pacth at one end of the garden but this slowly languished. It remained unmoved and has provided a fascinating introduction to the principle of ecological succession... It is now nick named the copse as it is home to trees. My favourite tree lives here - an oak which I have watched grow since it first became noticeable amongst the grasses when I was maybe about ten.

The trees are kept in good shape with the occasional limb being removed. Storm damage and death also result in the loss of trees. All this wood is harvested and set to dry in the wood shed from which it later will journey to the stove. There is also a garden shed and a wood store. There is another tiny decrepit shed which houses the remains of a water pump, rusted and never working in all the time I have seen it...

My parents have no well kept garden, plants live or die as they will and birds bring fresh seed. I remember a particular plant grew amongst the grass that had a lovely orange flower, known as orange hawsbit. My Dad wouldn't mow this bit of grass and the flowers were lovely....

They also put a lot of nuts out for the birds all year round and have been doing this for years. The presence of a pack of greyhounds means that anything small and furry tends not to make a home there. As a consequence birds have flourished and a large variety visit including Greater Spotted Woodpeckers and even the local Green Woodpecker comes to visit. Birds nest all over the pace, under the eaves, in the post box, in the clematis that grew under my window and in through it. Some even nested in the bord boxes...

Bats flourish there too and I think they live under the eaves as well. In Summer you can lie on the grass and watch them fly overhead as dusk falls. My parents leave a lot of the fruit on the fruit trees to attract mice for the Screech Owls that feed there.

I loved growing up with that connection to one piece of land.

I loved walking bare foot in the mud

I loved walking bare foot in the dew soaked grass

Lying in the cool long grass under the apple trees on a hot day.

Watching the single iris my parents planted in a muddy hollow spread until no muddy hollow could be seen and watching them flower yellow.

Kicking copper and gold leaves in Autumn

Picking fruit

Rolling down the slope

The icicles that dangle off the conservatory

I think that house taught me to love the land...

That house though, for all the things that must have happened there, it feels like a happy place, a home. It has always protected and sheltered. I know every creak it makes as it warms and cools. After we have gone it will shelter and protect others to as it has done before. It is rumoured that in the war, the garage was used as a radio room for communicating with the French Resistance. It is just that sort of place... Freedom, hope, beauty.

I remember one time I felt a black presence following me everywhere, when I left to go visit my parents, i felt it couldn't step foot on that piece of land.... One day soon it will only be home in my memory and I shall miss it so very, very much...

Intelligence

Having claimed to be rather academic yesterday i thought I would talk about intelligence a little today.

When I studied to be a teacher we learnt a little about Learning Theory. Although all this information is out there I don't think it is generally well used.... It is as if in many cases what is known is not practiced in the classroom. Some of the best teachers use these theories either instinctively or from knowing and I don't wish to do them down but....

Once upon a time Howard Gardner came up with his theory of Multiple Intelligences. His theory is that we all have differing amounts of each of a set of intelligences. Intelligence tests tend to focus on certain specific types of intelligence but there is a whole range.

Linguistic: all things to do with words including reading and poetry
Logical / mathematical: the one for all those with skills in science and maths and games
Musical: all things to do with music including listening and composing
Spatial / visual: all things to do with images and construction
Kinaesthetic: all things to do with physical movement
Interpersonal: all things to do with other people such as communication and managing
Intrapersonal: all things to do with the self such as personal understanding or self motivation
Naturalistic: all things to do with the natural world such as classification and pattern recognisation.
Existential: ability to ask and think about the difficult questions, life, death, the universe and everything....

Some people have sooo much talent in one area but very little in others, we have all met genius level people who would struggle to wire a plug or cook a meal. Others have so much talent in an area such as music.

The thing is, although we all have a balance of the intelligences, they combine in different ways and have different focuses. For instance a music critic undoubtably must have musical intelligenc ebut may be unable to play or compose themselves.

This is all good, all of our intelligences are equally valid! So says Science! Except we all know that in the big bad world this just isn't so. Some sorts of intelligence are valued more than others. In school the focus is on a very narrow range of things that society deems important. Music and Religous Education (existensial) are often neglected in schools due to time.

I was lucky, my form of intelligence was well catered for in school, I flourished and became academic. But what of all those other children in my class, the ones whose intelligence didn't take an academic form?

The girl who was great at sport but never going to be quite good enough at the right sport to make a living?

The boy who was great at taking apart cars and became an mechanic?

The girl who loved to draw horses?

The boy who was very self contained and controled?

Did they feel valued? Did school do good things for them? Did they feel like they had a valid talent that could lead them towards a good and successfulc areer valued by society? Maybe, maybe not.

Just as there are some that didn't do so well on the genetic lottery and don't have a 'high' level of any of the intelligences, there are some who did rather well. I think I would have to consider myself as being someone who did pretty well. I haven't earnt these intelligences although I have worked hard to develop some of them. I don't feel that this makes me any better than anyone else. In many ways I would love to have a clear 'talent', it must make it easier to decide what to do, mustn't it?

I do also feel there is a gender divide in schools to. Boys are allowed to be top dog and everyone is comfortable with that. Girls however... not everyone is comfortable when it is a girl who is top dog. What do you do if you have a delicate, senstitive daughter who is average and a clever daughter who does few things in an average way? (except the kinaesthetic and interpersonal areas in my case - they are waaaayyy down my list)

I never felt that I had earnt my skills. I never felt that they were something to celebrate. I never felt that I entirely had the right to exploit them. My parents attempts to make us equal they taught me, if you do to well it makes people uncomfortable and that those who don't try get exactly the same reward, so why try?

My Dad always used to talk about saving money. I got a job at 15 and I started putting a bit of money away n my bank account, just like he said. My sister and I had both had bank accounts opened for us as babies and money put it. Before I was born, all the money was put in my sisters and after it was shared between us. When she did her GCSE's my parents made her account up to £500 in celebration of her success. When I did my GCSE's my parents put exactly the same amount in my account to make it up to £500. I worked for a proportion of that money, I went out and saved. My sister didn't work until she had to but yet she just got everything given to her. I have never saved since.

So where does this leave me? It leaves me with a whole bunch of talent, a dead end job that pretty much anyone could do and no money.

Demands and Ultimatums

It has been an odd day but not a bad day... I got to leave work earlier than normal which gave me time to do a few creative bits.

The reason I got to leave work earlier though was a little odd. It all has to do with Neanderthal. At the end of his three weeks with us, I have found him even more abhorrent than I expected on the first day I met him. He had a strange attitude to work and honesty.

Our boss is one who allows people certain privileges in return for working hard to help team spirit, such as leaving early. These are not things we expect or take advantage of and we certainly don't just disappear a little early because we have no work and it is five to. Neanderthal had different ideas.... He blatantly abused this easy going atmosphere. He was always going on little walks and making phone calls and took eery opportunity to avoid doing any work he could.

If I had to ask him to do something he very much resented it. At first he was only rude when others were absent but eventually there wasn't so much care. At first if I wanted to sow him something i would ask if he fancied.... His answer was generally no thank you. So I began to say do this rather than being more polite. He didn't like that either and took it that my getting him to do things was driven my desire to remain in my office behind my computer. He asked me directly and insultingly if I was agoraphobic. After which things were never quite so relaxed between us.... He stopped taking pains to hide his dislike of me and I am not sure how good I was at covering up my dislike of him.

He was obviously clever but just as obviously lazy. He made no effort to remember things he was shown and even when asked to look out for something, checking a couple of hours later it would be evident that he hadn't bothered. He felt the work was easy and beneath him and he didn't have enough pride to still do it well.

He was also odd, one day he would say to someone he lived in one town, the next he would tell someone he lived in a different one. One day he was single, the next he had a long-term girlfriend and a child. He was very interested in ladies and his behaviour and attitude towards some could have been considered harassment.

So as he was a temp, why did he last three weeks? Because my boss is nice and felt awkward getting rid of someone. Talking to the agency it became obvious that although he had been the best choice at the time, more amiable staff were now available. It was all agreed. He would go. Celebrations all round. He won't be that sorry either as he made it clear the only thing he would miss would be the money.

So how did he go? At 3.00 I was allowed to go and so was he. Shortly after he left he would have received a phone call from the agency. Although I am relieved he is going, i am not sure that all of how he has been removed sit well with me. As a long term temp, I have worked for employers who found it hard to talk about leaving and have had the agency have to do the telling. It hurts and leaves a whole range of awkward emotions.

In his case there were so many reasons for him to go but...

This was the theme of the day though. I finally had to start work on the necklace my future m-i-l has insisted I make, even though I am off making jewellery in a big way and am overdue several piece for my family that were due weeks ago. she also chose a very fiddly, intricate and time consuming design.... *sigh* There is no getting away from it however and also no telling her no. I don't think she would be able to take it in without my being very rude as it wouldn't fit with what she wants.

I have also been listening to the relationship difficulties of a friend where there is a lack of communication and too many demands. An ultimatum seems inevitable...

So how do I feel? Tired but fine. Neanderthal is gone. I still like all my other workmates and my job has very much grown on me. I have done several inches of the necklace and I know that it won't take me ALL weekend and I will still have some time for other fun things. My relationship is great, we communicate and sometimes we bicker and sometimes we have fun but mostly we have fun bickering.

Part of me does wonder how Neanderthal feels. Thinking all is fine. Being let out of work nice and early on a Friday. Feeling good ecause it is the weekend and getting some bonus time. Then receiving that call and instantly being one of the many unemployed.... I do feel sorry for him.



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I am in two minds whether to leave this post up here or not. It was late and it had been a long and tiring week. I never wanted to whine to much on this blog or be nasty about people but at the same time I need to own my less positive emotions. So here it is. Take it with a pinch of salt...

Thief of Time

Sometimes life gets in the way, as I believe I have before. I haven't made time for creativity this week or much of anything else. Work obviously takes time but I have found my job has been requiring less time behind the computer and more out and about doing more manual things. Not surprisingly I am pretty tired after this...

Monday on the way home my friend and I witnessed an accident. No one else stopped. No one was hurt fortunately and as there were independent witnesses (us) the Police have been able to charge the other driver. It was late by the time I got in and F's cold was taking a turn for the worse.

F has slept badly the last few nights and has been off work. These things seem to sit on his chest and his breathing gets very, very wheezy. Thankfully he has slept in the spare room so I have been able to sleep. He has however has had me running around to the shops for him. This has not been helped by the death of our fridge / freezer. We can not keep anything much in the way of food in the house right now and nightly trips to the shop are the norm for me right now. Some nights I have been rather more than three.

Not surprisingly, with the added shopping trips and additional duties at home plus the more physical work as part of my job, I am feeling more than a little tired. One good thing about being busy and content in my lot (although a little less coughing from F would be nice! *laugh*), is that I am not minding too much the lack of time to carry out my plans...

And I have oh so many plans... But then F is working on Sunday so we shall see what I can get up to then...

Today Part One

Today is a day of deadness and lacklustre-ness. This last week has been full pelt. Full of lack of sleep hormones and detoxing releasing nastiness into my body. I seem to have been so busy and so tired. So here I am on Sunday.

F is at work. S is wherever he might be when he isn't here. I have nothing that has to be done today, although a years worth of things that I should do or could do. The house is as normal a mess. I have a zillion creative projects that were in my head this week and now I am here with time, they are nowhere to be seen.

I am feeling out of touch with my spiritual side although I think some of this is an illusion right now. I don't feel I have done anything on my Thirteen Moons work but this month seemed to be all about connecting with where you life and it's history... I certainly haven't done anything on my Hearthcraft course. I need to do a meditation / ceremony but is when you are completely depleted on the energy front the right time? I also need to make a home for a household spirit, seeing as my house just isn't going to be clutter free and tidy any time soon, I have to welcome them somehow... I need to work on my altars somewhat as they are languishing a little...

Although I find it easy to connect with nature, I am finding it hard to connect with any deities or specific aspects. last lunar moth, my thirteen moons study got stuck on looking more deeply at them.

I also want to learn more about my adopted home and to share that knowledge through the blog. I would like to start little mini-series on the geology of Cornwall and it's history to. Having the blog to write for is quite motivating when it comes to getting things done...

I have a rumbling headache. I want to hibernate in the lounge on the sofa and catch up on my TV watching with some cuddlesome hounds, my quilt and the fire. First I should put some washing on though...

Keeping the Home Fires Burning

Monday night and I have just written today's blog. I have more to write and I am not sure whether this is a bonus blog or tomorrow's blog... I guess I shall save it and see if I have anything else to write tomorrow...

I got home from my ditchwater dull job... (except I actually quite like ditchs and other less popular bodies of water such as bogs and mires....) My brain had slowly been frying in boredom all day. One of my colleagues realised it was getting to me and triend to console me that soon I would be able to do it with out thinking and it would become more zen. Oh please let it be soon!

After washing up and calling relatives with birthdays, I gathered my candle, hearthstone, incense and recently cleansed spoon. I enjoyed the ritual of welcoming the sacred flame into my home and meditating on the role of the fire in our homes both now and in the past. There was something very peaceful about watching the charcoal and incense smoke curling up in front of the candle flame. This is something I would repeat, even without the added meditations.

I had been trying to remember what my parents fireplace was like before they had a stove installed and I couldn't. While meditating and remembering fires and times of happiness, it came back to me. I could picture it perfectly. I could remember what we kept on the ledges to each side. I could remember laying fires and clearing out ashes. When I vist my family now I am always a bit nervous of their stove as it has different vents and things. I remember the old fire guard and the old rug that sat in front of the fire and how it had burnt spots from embers spat from the fire. I remember how the dogs didn't like wood that spat...

The ritual left me with a nice happy and peaceful feeling. It made me feel nostalgic and reminded me of how much I miss having an open fire. We have a hole for a fire place and a chimney but we need it lined and something put in the hole to light a fire on.... There is some board in blocking the hole at the moment but it would be easily taken out. If we can economise then sorting out the fire place would be the first thing I would sort out.

I cleared off the windowsill and this for now is the new home of my hearthstone. I would like to make this into my little kicthen shrine as suggested by the course. I have some ideas... I just need the time... *grin*

Izzy, Wizzy, Let's Get Busy! Part 2

Leaving the beach in a good happy mood didn't last long however... On the way home I was in the back of the car and started to feel a bit icky. I was sat nestled amongst the speakers and it just got too much. I asked for the music to be turned down and when asked why I snapped. I shouldn't have. I then felt bad...

We had to do a quick bit of shopping and F wanted to only get what we needed right then and I wanted to get some stuff for the following week to reduce the number of times I had to stop at the shop. More stress...

Back home, I was cold, covered in salt, feeling icky and grumpy. What do I do at such times? I bathe... So I did and pampered myself for the coming week with a face mask and an oiling of the scalp to help with my dryness.

I had certain things I wanted to do, namely the first practice at a simple ritual for welcoming the sacred flame into your house for my hearth craft class. I had been intending on doing this for days on Sunday... Just in time to have done the weeks class before the next instalment. This was my goal and I had even managed to find a hearthstone in time....

One aspect of this class is having respect for your home. This means doing the washing up and having a clean oven for your rituals... I was hustling through the washing up and the recycling and then it was time for tea, fantastically cooked by F. Then F took S home and was gone a very long time (he returned in time to wish me Good Night...). I set to washing up from tea and by this time I was starting to feel stressed...

Earlier on my Mum had left a message and I wanted to speak to her as we hadn't spoken in a few days. I might have had time to do my ritual but... I wouldn't get to talk to my Mum or do my blog and I would have done the ritual while stressed. Right or wrong I didn't do it. I left it. I didn't meet my goal. I prioritised my friends and family. Was this my test for the day? Did I pass or fail?