Wishful Thinking

I have dreams, just like most people. A couple of days ago, i found the embodiment of those dreams. 42 acres, with 6 of woodland, 32 of fields, a couple of gardens and the rest of sundry areas including a nice long private drive. A beautiful old house with bags of charm and character. A barn converted into three letting cottages, another barn, a garage and an external study. With a river running through and plenty of watery-ness. Perfect.

So in the interests of manifestation I have decided to spend a lot of time picturing myself living there. Manifestation is a big topic in the Artist's Way for this week. Putting your dreams out there and allowing the universe to fulfil them is what it's all about. Now I would love to see the universe give me the means to buy a mini-estate with a value of over a million pounds, but short of freak accidents to everyone I am related to or the lottery jackpot coming my way, I can't see it happening. Losing my family would be too high a price to pay for any dream. At the root of this dream is the desire for place and family afterall.... And with a family like mine I already have so much to be grateful for.

So I have a dull job that I can do and let my brain take me off to other places. This week I have been living on the estate and to be honest, I have really, really enjoyed it. I am not finding it easy picturing everyday like, mostly because I don't know whether we would be working, or me at home with a fledgling brood or what. I picture walking with Little Dog through the woods and to the river. I picture vague shadows of other unknown dogs cavorting around but I don't know them, how they would come to us or when and I certainly have no fixed ideas of what they might look like.

To be honest, what I seem to be spending most time on is my wedding. Or rather the party to be held afterwards on my mini-estate. The complex details of families and festivities have sucked me in. I have struggled with the idea of a venue for my wedding and suddenly, here it is.

Now you might think I am getting my hopes up about nothing and to be honest, maybe I am, at least a part of me is. The rest of me however has discovered that dwelling in this lovely dream is a beautiful place to take my mind away from the dullness of work. I feel happy. I have spent the the last couple of days in the place of my dreams and no one can take that away from me. Fancy joining me tomorrow?

Mood of The Day

The young man who decided to go swimming with three friends last night will never go back home again. He and two others were jumping off the rocks, two made it to shore while he was dragged away. By the time F and I reached Godrevy his body would have already have lost it's driving force and who knows where his soul might have been. I hope he has or will manage to pass over soon to wherever spirits go.

I started the day sad and tired but my mood has improved throughout the day. It was fantastically improved by a lovely little package from Canada. Mel sent me the wrecked remains of my get a friend to destroy this page, page which has been magically transformed into a woven coaster! Oh I laughed so much when I saw it! There was also a lovely pressed flower, for my pressed page (no idea what sort). Savannah had also included some lovelies, several beautiful drawings and some paper dolls! I also received a page of Mel's journal to wreck *evil grin*

I have been experimenting with Tamarind and as soon as I opened my jar I recognised the smell. I know I have eaten this many times and it seems to be the 'missing' ingredient from many chinese dishes I have thrown together. I did some chinese ribs and a stir fry tonight both using tamarind paste and they were lovely... I also used honey, soy, chinese five spice, black and red pepper and ginger....

I also found a block of tamarind so I think I can have a go at Gemel's lovely suggestion now too... Sam also has offered Tamarind suggestions, which I shall gladly try.... My favourite so far by quite a bit!

Bits of creative things are proceeding slowly in the background... and I do mean slowly! I feel behind on things at the moment. I was going to do an earth healing last night but events got in the way and tonight catching up and cooking has held sway. I know I am putting it off. I know my lack of success with ceremonies and my feelings of inadequacy in all things magical are getting in the way. I know I just need to get on with it... Because when it comes down to it, I want to do it and I believe in it.....

Today is wishcasting wednesday but I am not sure what the wish is for today except that I wish for the young man who passed away to be at peace and I wish for the world and it's healing. For myself I wish a piece of this green land for my own to nurture and love....

I Wish for Balance

Oops! Forgot to add this.... Shows how awake I was this morning.

Following on from lasts nights post, today's wish theme fits perfectly... I wish to nurture balance in my life. Blogging has widened my life and bought so many good things in but has started to take over to the detriment of many of the things has bought into my life....

I want to start working towards balance....

I don't want to spend all evening every evening trawling through the blogs I follow. I want to have fun! I want to create and meditate and maybe if I have to, do some housework. I want to walk the dog somewhere beautiful (as long as it isn't too hot). If I am watching a film, I would like to watch it and not be blogging over the top...

I Wish To Play

I do wish to play but the only idea that sprang to mind was that I wanted to play with mud - sqooze it through my fingers and my toes and really feel it.... But do I REALLY want that? I have no idea... maybe I should go do it anyway....

I guess my wish has to be to bring more play into my life... Except I do let myself play I think - to me all my art and craft is play and as for WTJ! *laugh*

hmmmm.....

The Year so Far

I thought now might be a good time to look back on my New Year's wishes. Two in particular seem to be fulfilled as far as I would expect! I am not saying I am perfect in these two things but I have progressed as far, if not further than I expected. These are number one and number three and here is what I wrote:

1) To become more creative.
I currently make jewellery using a variety of techniques including a loom, stringing and bead weaving. I would like to expand my creativity in new directions but am not sure which to pursue. I like the idea of learning more about photography and drawing. I would like to sew better and learn how to use my sewing machine. I would like to crochet and make rag rugs...

3) To find a job where I can be.
I need a job as soon as possible following Christmas. I have a habit of doing temporary admin work but would be happy to move on from this. I don't care what it is that I do as long as it is in a place that doesn't make me miserable or stop me from growing...

I believe I have successfully bought creativity into my life. I may not have taken up crochet or learnt how to use my sewing machine or made any rag rugs but I have taken up journaling. I love the relaxed style of this and the way it bring sin so many skills and materials. I am content to work on this at the moment but I hope to add other skills later on... But maybe not this year.

I believe I have definitely found a job where I can be. It turned up straight after New Year and while it is still temporary it is ongoing temporary work which is fine. It certainly doesn't make me miserable or stop me growing. I like the people I work with and I can really be myself, there is no one to impress in a warehouse. In fact it in itself is helping me grow, I am having to do more and more physical work and this can be only good for my health and fitness...

As to the other wishes... I put my name down on the Landshare scheme started by Hugh Fearnley Whittingshall. The National Trust has recently pledged to open some of it's land to provide allotments via this scheme.

I am not sure how my connection to all that is, is growing right now. With F being ill, we haven't been on any walks the last two weekends and it is being out in nature that always makes me feel connected.

I guess I do have enough. I could do with some extra to pay my fuel bill though! and a new fridge / freezer to replace the dead one....

As to whether or not all around me are growing in light and love - I have absolutely no idea!


So not bad going at the moment really!

Strange Luck

Many years ago i had a dream that i had won 25 million pounds on the lottery. Soon after I had a second dream that I had won 19 million. Connected in these dreams were forgotten elements that led me to make a promise to myself. There was a woman I knew many years ago who enjoyed causing me pain. The knife was already there but she liked to jiggle it around and twist it a little. No matter how I once felt about her, if I ever do win I shall track her down and make sure she is alright. I have no idea what exactly I would be expecting...

Last week I had another dream. Again, I had won the lottery. i had spent some time checking the numbers in the dream and when I awoke i was absolutely gutted that I could only remember one number, 12. I wasn't even sure if this number was one of the winning numbers or not.

On Friday I bought three random sets of numbers at one shop - none contained a 12. So I went to a second shop to buy three more. The man in front had wanted one not two sets so the lady at the checkout asked me if I would take his numbers. I did this and had another line. none contained a twelve. On to the next shop and another three lines and no 12. I decided to buy three more and select the numbers and make sure each contained a 12. So I had 12 sets of numbers and three of them had the number 12 in them...

This morning I checked my numbers and the number 12 had come up! Unfortunatley I was a few numbers short of a full house... I did however win £5.50.

Part of me wonders whether I would have won the jackpot if I had remembered all the numbers. Bizarely the jackpot this week was £25 million!

I remember a story I read many years ago. I have no idea of the name or the author but some of the ideas stuck with me. A lady was able to read fortunes but not in the normal way, she was able to tell people why they should do whatever it was they were meant to do. There was one man who made toys and he was supposed to do this and be successful and the reason was that in many years to come, after he had died, a child would be given some of his toys and would use them to fend off an attack.

I guess I may never know why I felt directed to buy my tickets and be where I was yesterday. Or maybe when you are told something, sometimes you are only told once and it is up to us to listen and get it right. My dreams still might come true.... *laugh*

A Place to BE

Last night I failed to write on my blog. I have a good excuse. I was out drinking the night away. I was eating good food in good company and having a laugh. Quite a lot of laughs actually. But I shall get back to that later...

Yesterday work continued in the same vein as normal. My mind floating off to far distant, beautiful places as I worked, at least when I wasn't busy singing along to some song on the radio. I realised i was actually pretty happy and this job I was doing didn't interfere with that. In fact the people I work with actually add to that. Except of course for Neanderthal...

Technically Neanderthal is the same rank as me but I know the job inside out and he doesn't but he needs to know it. I have been having issues with giving him instructions. I like to be polite and make things a request, rather than barking out an order. These requests have been generally met with no's that have left me gulping for words like a goldfish gulping for air out of water.

Yesterday I endeavoured to give a direct instruction.

'I would like you to take these here and give them to people and then go here and get this, please.'

'Why? Don't you want to do it today?'

'It's not that I just need to make sure you can do all these things. You won't need to do it again unless I am ill or on holiday.'

'But it's easy, anyone can do it'

'I know it is, but...'

'Are you one of those agoraphobics or something?'

I laughed. Of course I am but in a minor personal way that develops when i am alone in the house for weeks on end. I am not agoraphobic in work and never have been. It is a minor difficulty, not one people would ever notice. I know this all the way through my being, at work I am not agoraphobic.

I am however a fat and unfit office person working in a warehouse. They knew this when I was asked to go back. They wanted me back because of my speed on the computer and accuracy. Getting me to do warehouse duties is like trying to turn a carthorse into a racehorse (or vice versa). This is not saying I don't do things in the warehouse. I do. However if I attempted to do more than a few strenuous (to me) activities each day, I would be miserable and hurt.

Everyone knows this and understands this and is fine with it. I will get up unasked when no one is around and answer the door and take deliveries. I will monitor my absent colleagues emails and print things off for them. If they are busy I will even start on some of those things by myself as far as I am able. This is appreciated.

My desire to make sure that Neanderthal knows the warehouse duties and goes out into the warehouse stems from the fact that I am supposed to be on the computer all the time (pretty much) while he is supposed to do both jobs. As such he has to understand that as the one responsible for one of his duties, I shall be giving him instructions because I am the only one with any idea what is going on and where I am up to.

I don't think this makes me an agoraphobic. I fact I was more than a little put out that his response to me giving him an instruction was this. I was so gobsmakcked I had to tell some of my colleagues.

Later that evening we were discussing Neanderthal and it turned out I wasn't the only person who had reservations about him on day one. I like the fact that everyone has given him a chance despite gut feelings. I like the fact that everyone has been unfailingly polite and professional. I like the fact that our close knit team has taken a week to admit that he isn't going to fit quite so well. This is not to say anything much will change anytime soon, he can do the job, but he won't stay long term I expect.

As to me. Yesterday made me realise that I do belong and I like it. I am part of their team, I am one of them now. They understand I should be off somewhere else earning obscene amounts of money and using my expensive qualifications. But for now, I am part of their team and we all like each other and work well together. I may be fat and unfit, an unusual thing in my current working environment but I bring something to the team and save them from doing my boring job.

F thoroughly enjoyed meeting them all and could really see why I am strangely happy where I am, despite my lack of expectations of that... I would be foolish to leave right now.... There is talk of a temporary contract... I would probably accept a little one, a big one might be a little too scary...

This all made me think back to one of my wishes... and here it is...

3) To find a job where I can be.
I need a job as soon as possible following Christmas. I have a habit of doing temporary admin work but would be happy to move on from this. I don't care what it is that I do as long as it is in a place that doesn't make me miserable or stop me from growing...

I think recognising when you have received what you asked for is a real pleasure. It is why I firmly believe that asking for something very prescriptive in magic (or prayer) is daft. By putting your true desires out there you allow life to bring you what you need, in whatever form. When I wrote my true partner seeking spell all those years ago, did I say I wanted F by describing all his details? No. I would have gotten it wrong cos I didn't know him yet. I stated how I wanted to feel and what type of relationship I wanted. Life did the rest and bought me a person I could never have described or predicted...

Snow Day Spring

I have a mobile. I don't like it and I never wanted one. All the same I have one. I delight it letting the battery go dead and leaving it at home. This time it lasted a month. Alas it found itself on charge last night in order to awaken me as F was starting work earlier than I wished to wake up.

So imagine my disgust when it started humming away at 6.30, a full 30 minutes before I had even contemplated opening my eyes. I didn't recognise the number and ignored it. Ten minutes later. Again. But I must have lost signal as it stopped before I could pick it up. I listened to my messages and discovered that someone had rung me the previous week about a photography job at a London school. And they rang again while I listened to my messages, and left another message.

I knew that the whole of United Kingdom was waiting for snow and she was rather worried about whether to try and get into London or not. Apparently London had been hard hit and she wasn't sure the school would be open. Feeling a little ungracious, I texted her, sorry you have the wrong number.

By this time I was somewhat awake however and the chances of me getting back to sleep were slim. I had decided back at New Year to plant my resolution / wishes on Imbolc. I had since decided that what I wanted to do was cast them into the wind from the top of a particularly big hill that lurks ont he landscape hereabouts. It seemed to me a good idea to head up there and do this before work.

Somehow all my extra time vanished without me even trying. I found myself at work ten minutes early with wishes unscattered. As the day went on the reports of snow headed towards our little south western corner. Just after lunch we had our first shower. It went on it''s way and the sun shone from a blue sky. Then another followed by more blue sky. Then another even heavier and the snow was starting to stick. The company decided to send us all home.

Now this may seem an odd decision to those of you who live in colder parts of the world. That we should be sent hom for mere snow showers. But ability to drive in the snow decreases as you go south in the UK and panic at the sight of snow increases as you go south. By the time you get as far down as we are here, the merest sniff of snow and the roads jam up and people are distraught(maybe a slight exageration, but not much).

A few years back I was working in Truro when the famous Cornish Blizzard hit. We were sent home. I left work and started up the dual carriageway up a steep hill. And then everything stopped. For four hours I watched my office sitting serenely in the snow at the bottom of the hill, container of toilets, warmth and tea. I watched cars at the top slip gently back as they lost their grip. Nobody came down the other side except for a coach, with his driver doing little mini controled skids all the way.

I called F and told him I might not get home, which he laughed at and repeated to the whole office. They all laughed to. "Why?" he askes. Later the snow hit them and then they stopped laughing. Eventually a tractor drove down the central reservation. A short while later it went back up again with a teenage girl wearing a school uniform sat in the back. The tractor then stopped at the top and began pulling cars and vans up. Finally we began to move. It took me a very long time to get home.

So back to today. I know the snow has been very, very heavy elsewhere. i knew the blue sky as I left the office was not likely to last. I knew that although most of the snow on the roads was gone already, that it would soon be replaced. So what do I decide to do?

I decided to drive on the little tiny country roads to reach the far side of the big hill. I decided to drive up the little tiny track to the top of said big hill. As I neared the top, it started to snow again. From the top I could see the snow showers like fluffy marshmallows on the land below rolling in from the sea. Behind it was blue sky. Well at least it was for another minute or two. And then I could no longer see the marshmallow for I was stood in it. On top of a very large hill. Clutching 5 little wish seeds. there were seven but my household guardian, tiring of the mess threw them at me when I wasn't looking and ran off with two of them.

I threw them into the wind and mutteres some impromptu words. And ran off. Quickly. All the time wishing I could stay here and continue to admire this beautiful white land. The track down was already white and I crawled down to the road below. Back home took me down the sides of the hill a different way and it was an interesting drive.

I reached home as F was getting out of his car and once in the house, I told him where I had been. He gave me a long look and shook his head in despair. To be honest I am not really the most courageous of people at times. The only thing that could make me go there on day like today was a promise. Shame that life had tried to get me to go there before work to watch the sun rise, in complete safety. I also have a tendency to do things the difficult way... But at least I did it...

Oh one other little thing... There is a piece of folklore I came across. Cailleach, a Scottish and Irish Goddess who is the Mother of Winter, rules from the Samhain to Beltain while Brigid rules from Beltane to Samhain. On Imbolc, Cailleach likes to go and collect firewood for her fire so she may stay warm for the rest of the nasty hard winter she brings. Because she likes to be warm and snug, she likes to make Imbolc a fair day. Some years however, she forgets, and sleeps in. If the weather is bad on Imbolc she has overslept and forgotten to get more fire wood, as a consequence, the grip of winter will be lessen soon as she won't have enough to last... So winter should REALLY be over soon then....

Sowing Seeds

First of all, may I wish a very happy New Year to everyone who reads this and is going to read it in the future!

I have decided to write New Year's Wishes / Resolutions this year. I know when working magic it is best not to be too prescriptive so that you allow things to work in the best way possible and don't create a rod for your own back! I also know that in order to make wishes come true you have to make a little effort and take opportunities that come along....

So here are my seven wishes...

1) To become more creative.
I currently make jewellery using a variety of techniques including a loom, stringing and bead weaving. I would like to expand my creativity in new directions but am not sure which to pursue. I like the idea of learning more about photography and drawing. I would like to sew better and learn how to use my sewing machine. I would like to crochet and make rag rugs...

2)To develop my connection to all that is.
I am obviously trying to improve myself as a practicing Wiccan. I am sure this will happen in just the right ways at just the right times. So could get better at rituals. Maybe I could find which faces of the Goddess speak to me most. Maybe I could uncover some hidden psychic abilities. Whatever I need to develop to maintain my path and grow closer....

3) To find a job where I can be.
I need a job as soon as possible following Christmas. I have a habit of doing temporary admin work but would be happy to move on from this. I don't care what it is that I do as long as it is in a place that doesn't make me miserable or stop me from growing...

4) Some land on which to grow.
I need to be more physically active and would love to develop some skills at growing my own plants for food, fun and beauty. I would also love to keep animals and dream of a small holding. I am also not sure I am ready for that or not! Maybe somewhere to start a nice little veg patch?

5) To always have enough.
I would love to win the lottery and buy a small holding and have my own personal wood with a private grove. Who am I to say what I need? Who am I to say what would be too much for me? But I sure would always like to feel that what I have is enough. Enough to pay the bills. Enought o do fun things. Enough love. Enough time. Just enough...

6) To become a healthier weight.
Since giving up smoking, over five years ago, my weight has blossomed. My figure is now reminiscent of the little neolitic clay Goddess sculptures found around the world. This may be fine for that aspect of the Goddess but I do not think it is fine for me! I have a sweet tooth and in recent years diabetes has blossomed in the female line of my family. My Grandmother is not someone you would expect to develop such a disease and she didn't until her 80s. I suspect if I can not sort my health out that I would develop it somewhat earlier. Even earlier than my Mother who developed it in her 60s...

7) May all around me grow in light and love.
Obviously it is not fair on others and their paths to indiscriminately put your wishes onto them. However a simple little blessing can not do any harm... It can manifest how it chooses...

So what am I doing with these wishes in order to put them out there? I am doing three things, partly as reinforcement and partly to see which feels more magical to me in the long run.

I recently purchased Gail Duff's, 'The Wheel of The Wiccan Year' and in it's chapter on Yule it has a nice section on making wishes for the new year by visualising seeds, drawing them in their packets with what they stand for and then drawing them planting them in the ground. There is also some affirmations to repeat with these activities. I have taken these activities and redefined them for myself.

I sat with a green pencil and paper and wrote out my wishes while repeating to myself Gail Duff's affirmation-

These are the seeds I hold within,
Seeds that will grow with the coming Spring.
I give them love as they do sleep,
To prepare them for the earth so deep. (Gail Duff)

I then wrote them out again so I had two sets. The first set I shall burn tonight near midnight with a white night light scented with a drop of rose and a drop of jasmine oil for love and repeat the affirmation and trying to visualise my hopes and dreams as I do so...

The second set of wishes were folded three times and then each was placed in a square of green tissue paper with seven seeds as an offering. Each little packet was then folded in a square of orange tissue paper and the little packet was then scrunched up into a ball to make an orange seed. The seven seeds will have Gail Duff's second affirmation repeated over them each day for a week and then once a week until Imbolc when I shall plant them somewhere suitable.

I plant my seeds in earth so bare
And nurture them with love and care.
May they grow tall and strong with light
Through Sun and rain, through day and night.
For the good of all my planting's done,
I make this wish with harm none. (Gail Duff)

The final way I am putting my wishes out there is by putting them on this blog. I shall report back after Imbolc on how my wishes are progressing and how the magic felt as it developed, or if it didn't develop. I have to say so far I feel most comfortable with the less formal and more crafty approach of this spell than I do with my attempts to cast a circle etc.

Anyway, Blessed Be to all!