Creative Update

Another night when I am not sure what to say. I am not sure I have much in me right now. The last few weeks have been draining and the things on my mind are things I have already written about. I am tired. Work next week is going to be horrendous. Work, eat and sleep will be the name of the game next week.... Assuming all works out that is.

I have not done anything much creative. Luckily the grand Xmas making was well in progress. The nasty necklace I was stuck on for the future m-i-l is a non-starter, with her preferred length and it being a slow grower and all but I have decided to just make her the one necklace this year. This just leaves one for my Aunt and one for my Mum.

My Aunt's is in progress. It is a series of beaded beads that will be strung onto a piece of satin cord. While ill I have made about 6 beads and I shall stop when I get bored or run out of time.

My Mum's remaining necklace doesn't need to be finished until the end of January and will be a silver loom lariat to match her bracelet.

My Great Aunt and my Gran are getting silk scarves this year. One is done but the other is in progress. I have done the base colour and now I need to trace the design on using clear gesso before finishing to add colour. Nothing to complicated really....

I was going to do other things for Xmas but money is now going to be somewhat tighter than anticipated and I still have the men to buy for. I also now have a lot less time and energy for all the crafting. I have more silk scarves I was planning on painting but I think I need to go gently now.

The rest of this year is going to be about taking it slowly, gently and very, very easily. Then in the new year I am going to hopefully be fitter to attack life again a bit. My house certainly needs attacking...

I still have blog candy and pass it forwards to finish. I am determined to finish these but I am not going to take on anything else like this for some time. It occurs to me that most of my crafting is for others and my house could really use some craftiness. Very, very badly. And some decluttering. A lot of that really....

I still want to learn to crochet and felting looks like great fun and then there are rag rugs, curtain making and other bits of sewing... I could use some matching curtains, table runner and mats for the dining room for instance. I want a beautiful home....

Feeling the Love

First of all I have to say a huge thank you to the lovely Lady Mel. I received a lovely letter in the post along with a very lovely picture and a very lovely and apt pressie to pass on to a special young lady. Thank you Hun! You have a wee habit of lifting my spirits at the right time in unexpected ways... XXX

***

Then we have the saga of the socks.

TAW Week 7 has an exercise to buy a little luxury for yourself. It suggests a lovely pair of gloves or socks. Socks resonated with me instantly. My socks cause my ankles to swell, they bite to hard. A couple of years back I was with my folks at Christmas and my Mum, Dad and Sister received a present from a family friend. I didn't. OK so I wasn't overly close to this person and I hadn't given them a pressie.

I was very jealous of the socks my Dad got though. They were hand knitted. No seams. No nasty biting elastic at the top. Not quite my colour, being manly and all, but a lovely variegated wool had been used.

I must admit after that I started making her a little something for Xmas. I must admit though, I was kind of hoping I might get a pair of socks though. It didn't work because she got very busy at work and I got some nice handmade bath things instead. They were lovely, but I did really covet those socks.

So, the suggestion of treating myself to a luxurious socks kind of bought an image into my head. Beautiful variegated purple wooly socks. The sort that you darn when they get holes.

I tried hunting for local knitters but sometimes the internet makes such things tricky. It is far easier to find companies than it is to find lone artisans for hire. I pondered how to find such people and etsy sprang to mind. I have never used etsy before...

I searched for local etsy sellers and while there was some beautiful things and talented artisans, none of them were knitters or crocheters. So I started looking a little more broadly and I looked at lots and lots of socks. And of course slipper socks and sock slippers. Crocheted mary janes. Lace up crochet socks. Felted boot socks. So much variety. But not so many variegated purple sock.

I did eventually find a pair.

I fell in love.

I contacted the seller regarding sizing and established that they would fit.

I tried to buy.

I failed to buy.

Her shop didn't include shipping outside the grand old US of A. Which isn't where I live.

I contacted her and asked her if I could get them here or if they could maybe go to a friend in Canada....

She added the UK to her postal list. And Canada.

I purchased socks! And they are on their way.

***

I wrote a wishlist a little while back for another TAW exercise and I posted it on my blog.

I have a lovely friend who reads my blog, although she doesn't have one of her own and comments via email. We met once, years ago. A friend of a friend. Somehow we got chatting via Facebook and then became Facebook friends and then email friends and soon, we shall also be face to face friends. For she is visiting Cornwall....

It is a slightly odd thing, remeeting someone in this sort of a way. We know each other so well in some ways. But I just know it will all be fine. We connected because we have similar interests and values. It will not be like the recent visit of an old friend I used to be very close to, who has chosen a radically different path in life to me. We have similar religous paths and have spoken in depth of things that I know I seldom share with people I know in the flesh.

OK so the reason this all fits in this post is that when she comes down, she is bringing a gift. One listed in my wishlist. She happened to know of an artisan making such things, in a truly beautiful fashion. She saw one that spoke to her of me. She then gave me a choice. I could have chosen any of them, but I want the one that spoke to her. So I have a surprise coming my way, which even though it will be beautiful, will be all the more special for having been chosen for me by a friend.

***

So i guess it is fairly obvious what the theme of this post is. Presents and the art of giving. The best presents are those given freely, with no strings, no expectations. Where the person giving has taken the care to personally choose or make something that they thing the recipient will like. That care and attention is the thing that makes a present special.

Giving with the expectation of receiving something in return is likely to lead to disappointment. You are unlikely to get what you want. Even if you get something truly lovely, it will not be the thing you coveted. The expectation of receiving something ruins the gift of receiving care and attention from the giver. Giving from obligation feels empty in many ways. As does receiving a present given from obligation.

If there is something you truly covet, value yourself enough to give yourself that something as a no strings attached gift. That is not to say you should go and buy yourself hugely outrageous and epensive things. A true gift is made more valuable by care and attention. Notice that little thing you covet and give yourself the gift of getting it, of caring enough about yourself to allow yourself to have it. A pair of socks really isn't a big thing is it? But yet it is....

I believe the care and attention I put into the hand made gifts I make for my family increases their value. I personally select what to make. The colours, style, everything. I don't like all the things I make as gifts, some I adore and have trouble parting with. It doesn't matter, it isn't about me. I get so much from that giving. I get something everytime I get to see them wear it. I get something everytime they tell me of another compliment they receive for it. Little gifts that come back to me unexpectedly.

Gifts do not have to be big to have a huge effect. In fact I think the little things often have the biggest impact and meaning. Thought counts more than showy consumerism in my book. Thought equals love while flashy consumerism equals money.

So thank you to all those lovely people who have given me gifts because they thought I might like it, or just wanted to give me something. Thank you to those who signed up for swaps with me and made something so perfectly designed and created for me. Just thank you. I can feel your love.

This all ended up a bit long.... But I guess what I am saying is that we should all look for the little gifts in our lives. Gifts of spirit. A rowan branch. A beautiful sunny day. A glimpse of the moon in a break in the clouds.

To Do or Not To Do

I wanted to make stars but I got distracted and instead painted a scarf for my Great Aunt.

It has been a grey and rainy day out but I have been content in the house, pottering.

I slept strangely last night. I went to bed while F stayed up. I woke when he came to bed but went to sleep again. Later I awoke suddenly, as Little Dog came up, and drank lots. I was so hot! I was hot for ages. F was hot to but he stayed asleep. Eventually I took the duvet off and replaced it with our much thinner quilt. Of course later in the night, when it was cooler, I was cold. But I just pulled the duvet back over... And I slept.

Unfortunately F had to get up and go to work. Each time his alarm went off I would fall straight back asleep. He woke me up three times in ten minutes and then I got a bit grumpy.

So today has been a relaxed sort of a day. I got up late. I am beginning to realise that each bit of creativity takes time. Plenty of time. The scarf I did today was pretty simple but all the preparation of pattern and the drying took time. I still want stars but it is too late for today. I might do some jewellery in front of the TV but that will be it.

It is all very well having a list of things to do but if you work chances are you won't have time to get very far with the list. But does it matter? Not really....

Drain

I have come to realise why I stopped making jewellery. I have come to realise why I have been known to have a hobby that one day I suddenly turn round and never, ever do again.

I like taking a little extra time over The Artist's Way. I like giving my subconscious time to get messages through. I like having time to allow synchronicity to provide a few answers and ideas.

I am not sure where this bit came from, I am sure I read about it in there somewhere. Sometimes we create in such a way as to drain ourselves. We force ourselves to keep going. We drain our souls. We have to give ourselves time to replenish our creativity and we have to respect ourselves and be true to our muse...

I don't enjoy creating jewellery for certain people. The sorts of things they would wear and enjoy don't inspire me. They are neither challenging or interesting to make and I don't find the finished product inspiring in any way really. Some people are easy to make fun things for, they love colour and they have a funky sense of style.

Last year I had a few weeks off after crashing out of my teacher training. I also had a few weeks off just before Christmas between jobs. I made beaded artwork after beaded artwork. I had so many things I sent a handful off to be sold (two did sell!). And then before I completed all my presents, I crashed. I couldn't face another bead.

I have been making a few things again for this years pressies and suddenly I have hit the second piece for a certain person... It is in translucent and pale peach beads so there is hardly any colour to it. It is a simple spiral so there is nothing challenging or exciting about it. I am finding it difficult to make. It is draining. It is work, not fun.

But having started, I am going to continue.

I like making gothy chokers for my niece. I like putting together funky shapes and colours for my Mum and my Aunt. But I seldom enjoy pieces I make for some others...

Things

So many things seem to be happening right now. So many things seem to be about to start. So very much a time of change.

The weather has suddenly decided to go all summery. Beautiful clear skies. Air so fresh it tastes sweet. A beautiful gentle warmth cooled by sea breezes. Lovely. And I like it even more because it isn't Summer. There is a slight nip to the air at times that lets you know this Autumn. The night is lasting longer and longer. This is September at it's best.

The last few days I have been stuck in work of a day and to busy of an evening to make it to the beach. So I promised Little Dog we would go first thing today. And we did. 8 am found us stepping onto Perranporth Beach with a fairly low tide giving huge expanses of golden fluffy sand. And I do really mean fluffy because the beach cleaning tractor was there sifting sand for trash and laying it back like a fluffy powdery stuff.

Little Dog was pretty good and I got a better balance today between her desire to chase after the ball and her need to not run herself ragged. As we left the beach it was just beginning to get warm enough to make running risky for her. She cooled off in the stream before we headed back to the car.

A good start to the day. I then spoke to my Mum and discovered she is also trying to lose weight right now for her diabetes. She has decided to give herself a treat with every half stone. She is going to buy a troll bracelet with her first milestone and a troll bead or charm for it every one after that. We are going to do this together now because it is such a lovely idea. By the time I am thin I should have a beautiful collection of beads that I would have trouble justifying normally.

The diet is going OK. I have planned the meals for the rest of this week now which seemed to take ages. It doesn't feel easy yet. Last nights tea was a glitch though.... Now I just have to make myself cook it all and stick to it. I need to make myself go out shopping really... I left lunch to late and let myself get hungry. This is something I do and then I go and get all the wrong foods....

The new TV has arrived but I can not unpack it until F gets back. It is our first real big purchase of something new together and as such we will enjoy it's first moments together. I would love to be able to watch it tonight though... Oh well....

Work has gone a little odd in some ways but in others it is fine.

Jewellery making is now progressing at a snail's pace. I am making a bracelet for my Aunt (thankfully she has tiny wrists) using tiny delica beads sewn into tiny squares and then sewn together. The way it sits is a bit like an egg box sort of a shape. F's Mum's necklace has ground to a halt because I ran out of beads. My sister's earrings have swelled in number to three sets but I got bored of earrings and stopped for a bit. My Mum's bracelet is done. This just leaves my Neice, who isn't turning gothy after all. Of course this is only the first round - they all need birthday and Christmas presents....

On other crafting - I need to do some silk painting and some sewing (eek) and some how neither seem to be getting started. It is just a question of making myself get started really... *sigh*

Some major decluttering has been accomplished while I was safely out of the way at work. F has removed a wardrobe and now I can actually see all of the width of the window from the bed. The room seems so much brighter suddenly!

I think I am putting off going shopping....

Getting to the Garden

Lack of TV and reading this week due to TAW (The Artists Way) drove me to doing a proper, longer Artist's Date this week! But it had a rocky start...

We have officially become a one car couple this week, even though in reality we have been for a few weeks. I told F that I wanted to get up early and get into St Ives so I could park at the bottom of the hill and go buy some beads. He didn't react overly well because he had planned an entire day of things he wished to do with my car. I agreed to drop him off with the things he wanted to deliver before going on my merry way and then when i returned we would go and look at garage forecourts (*yawn*). I later admitted that I had planned to go to the Barbara Hepworth garden as well. By this time he had calmed down because he was still going to get to do everything he wanted to.

I gave in too easily. He made very little effort to be ready and have the car loaded for 9.30 (typical laid back Cornish Man). I may not have been ready either but I had less to do than him. When I was ready, he still wasn't. I dropped him in town to drop one thing off, parked and waited for him to come and get the other things. Then I drove to the shop got some cash bought him coffee, milk and sugar so I had some change and then returned to await him in the car.

By the time I got to St Ives it had gone 11. The tourists had roused themselves and along with all the day trippers they had filled the lower car parks. I managed to park in one only part way up the hill. By this time I was very, very grumpy with him. I had been up for hours and could have been in and parked in a prime spot at 9. i could have been home for him in time for him to still do everything he wanted but no, his immediate thought had been to prioritise his things and mine had been to accept. I must learn to take a step back at times like this so i can see the situation clearly....

St Ives was still busy but not so bad you had to fight for your space to walk in the road. St Ives is an old fishing town that was adopted by artists. It has several beaches and a harbour and the hills rise steeply behind the sea front. Building into the hill has meant that it has tiny streets, higgedly piggedly houses all on top of each other and tiny little alleyways. It is full of gift shops, craft shops and art shops.

I spent quite a bit of time drifting in and out of the craft shops. I love them for their inspiration. I bought a beautiful card with a picture of the tree of life which shall sit by my altar. I bought some soap and bath treats. I bought some beads but not the glue I needed but discovered that in the summer the factory shop opens in the Summer on a Saturday, yay! I bought a baguette and some elderflower presse.

Eventually I headed to the garden by a somewhat roundabout route which requied me to have a nice chat with an artisan as a result of requiring pointing back the way I had come... The garden was much as I remembered....

Time Turns

Today is a quiet day (thankfully). It has all been good and fun and lovely but I am so tired now.

Today is a day off. Peace and quiet and catching up with myself.

Today is a mere breather because tomorrow I have committed to going to the races....

This week has made me realise that I use my blog sometimes to avoid doing things. Starting this blog has both opened my life up and closed it down. I spend too much time reading blogs. It isn't sustainable. It is an avoidance of doing.

I do think that sometimes I go a bit mad on crafting and wear myself out on it. The nice thing about beading is that it is a slow steady sort of a craft. Not likely to wear you out. I have started a bracelet for my Mum on my loom as we were talking about what she would like last weekend. It is in silver and grey and I am enjoying doing it.

This last ten days has been full. Over time at work. Flying around the country. Going to a wedding. Going shopping / browsing in an upmarket town with my parents. Intensive house cleansing. Walks with family to local places. A trip to St Ives by train to sit on the beach and wander round shops. A shopping trip with my sister. An outdoor production of Tartuffe (fantastically funny).

It was lovely but manic.

I also received a few early birthday pressies which I assisted in choosing... In my window is a lovely set of stained glass hearts in pink, red and purple strung downwards. I have a lovely blue glass with gold foil marble which sits on top of a bottle stopper. I have a set of brightly coloured silicon kitchen utensils. I have a lovely set of nesting kitchen things in all the colours of the rainbow including a bowl, colunder, sieve, measuring jug and measuring cups.

I think I may start posting a little less. Reading a few less blogs. Doing a little more. Time for a slightly different balance. Some things have been very much neglected. I want to spend more time on The Artists's Way. I want to finish Wreck This Journal. I am soon to start the Joy Diet. I want to make my house beautiful with objects I have made and altered. I want to finish my list of crafting obligations. I want to get started on my manic list for Christmas and the surrounding birthdays....

I will still be here but it has all been building and building and now it is time for those blossoms to bloom fully. Harvest is here. No doubt winter will see me brooding and returning more to this....

Home of the Heart

There is a series on TV at the mo - Kirstie's Homemade Home. It is a show about one person, who happens to be a well known TV house hunter and interiors and her process of making her new house into a unique home.

She has a go at crafts, restores things, buys from scrap yards, markets and auctions, pulls things out of skips and visits inspirational homes. I love it and hate it all at the same time. It isn't about making do it is about having the best. For instance last week she happened to have an ornate thingummy jig that cost her £200 at an auction. I love some of the craft ideas and seeing her have a go and I like the ethos, I just don't like the fact that even with this ethos, she is playing outside my league financially.

I also don't entirely like her style. It sometimes feels as she is recreating that slightly eccentric, we've lived here for generations, upper class rich Brit style. I think whoever came up with the show must have been trawling blog land though because what she is doing seems to be an articulation of what so many bloggers out there are trying to do. We all seem to believe in the same things, we all want homes not designer pads - or at least the bloggers I associate with do! I am sure there is blog tribe out there celebrating minimalism and monotone living.

Thing is, know how is so important! Not just with the skills themselves but with where to buy what things you need. For instance, I know I can use wire and beads to create lampshades, but where do you buy frames from? What fittings do I need to make it safe? What wiring? Where do you start?

You see, I have a problem! I want to know everything, I want to do everything but I just don't have the time... or the money or the know how. And I do mean I want to know everything! I put a few things on my to do list - tai chi, calligraphy, binging, bird call identification, constellation identification but there are so many more and I am adding them all the time! Geomancy, knitting, stained glass and wrought iron work just this weekend! *laugh*

I think sometimes I undervalue what I already know so lets have a list of a few...

• I can braid
• I can use a bead loom
• I can do bead and wire work
  
• I can do bead weaving
• I can do papier mache
• I can do a little wiring
• I can do some hand sewing
• I can do some paper crafting
• I can mould a bit of clay
• I can paint
• I can take photographs
• I can do a bit of computer wizardry

But I guess my real talents are...

• I have a really good background in all the sciences because my degree in Environmental Science was multi-disciplinary
• I can research and I love books
  
• I can follow instructions

So mixing chemicals to make soap, that's chemistry..... Flower arranging is practical biology.... Piling pebbles together is geology.... Making a mobile is physics....

OK so I have convinced myself I can do anything, where do I get the time and money from?

Wasson!

I am sure I had some great idea of what to write about while at work today... Maybe not... Anyway it has vanished now...

This month's herb / spice is to be tamarind paste and as yet I have no idea what to do with it. Asfotedia wasn't my most favourite and is alright used in small quantities with other flavourings. I love Black onion seed and it often finds it way into dishes. Fenugreek is fine, if you want things to taste like curry powder. So any ideas about tamarind would be gratefully received...

I failed to do anything for charity last month so I have a month to make up. Pirate FM, a Cornish radio station, is currently supporting the Precious Lives Appeal. In Cornwall we often suffer in terms of facilities. Specialist things often tend to be placed in Devon and this can mean a very long journey. One example of this is children's hospices and the Precious Lives Appeal is raising money for a hospice in Cornwall, especially for those children who can't travel so far.

The radio station has selected three contestants who are having a mad fund raising time in order to try and win a holiday and do the best they can for the charity. One person is having an appeal for pants (knickers or whatever you might call them) which will be hung on a giant washing line across the Tamar Bridge (big bridge between Cornwall and Devon). I might buy a cheap pair and decorate them and send them with my donation - maybe £10 because I know I am never, ever going to do the fruit thing on my list...

I might also do another parcel for a service person, maybe in Iraq this time. I enjoyed doing this last time and it will help me catch up!

Yesterday in my wanderings I missed out on a visit to a holy well (St Levan) and a hillfort (Maen Castle). Maybe I should take my map with me so that I can tell where things are when I end up in places.

I started drawing spirals yesterday. I did a single and a double spiral and they are both pretty simple once you know how. I need to start having a go at constructing more complicated spirals now in order to develop them into beautiful full on celtic lovelinesses.

I also discovered that using silk painting techniques on cotton isn't so good. I used gutta on one side but it doesn't soak through the fabric enough to make a barrier. I am going to try putting gutta on both sides of the cotton to see if that works.

I have also accepted that some of my ideas for blog candy are just not practical. I can draw abstract and geometrical things but trying to draw a tree spirit with willow leaves for hair is beyond my current skills. I can see what I want in my head but i can't get it onto paper.... So I am going to stick with what I can do, for now....

I have already started thinking of things for my next list of 101 things. I have a little word file and as I think of things they go on the list. So hopefully next time there will be no dramatic scrabbling for ideas... I like this whole list thing but I did give myself a lot of big projects and things to learn....

F has returned from his work weekend away, yay! So nice to have him back, it just doesn't seem natural not seeing him. I don't much like being on my own really. Just as well I have Little Dog for company....

I guess my only problem with my 101 things list, is my own ambitiousness. I am not getting to tick many things off. Lots of things won't be ticked off until near the end.... This is frustrating....

Pretty Postals

Today I posted a little pressie. I wrapped it up and placed it in a white box and sealed it up with some silver pipe insulation tape and took it to the post office. The lady behind the counter admired the tape so I told her what it was. She then thought I was very original but I can't really take the credit.... It was Caspiana that first bought taping to me....

When I got home I told F about this and it brought to mind some happenings from the other week, when he posted the parcels of jewellery to my family. I had wrapped them in different cards, a holographic silver one, a holographic blue one and a pink pearlescent one. He had taken them to the post office during the week for me.

Apparently when he was served it was by a young man who was astounded by the multi-coloured parcels. F quickly made it clear that they wern't his... I had wrapped them for the enjoyment of my family but I had completely forgotten all the people that would see them as they travelled on their way....

Imagine a long day at a sorting machine watching white and brown packages whizz by with maybe the odd grey one and then! All of a sudden! A glimmering sparkling parcel comes through! Or even just one with coloured writing...

Our actions can impact many, many people we never meet and who would never know us. A chance happening, a pretty thing that brings a smile....

Paulo Coelho's latest book is all about the impact our decisions have on others, in unforeseen ways. It was a dark book and the premise seemed to be that nasty people committing nasty actions generally have nasty chance happenings associated with them. I am not sure about that... Maybe it is true... It was an interesting book but it was a little bit of a departure. This book interested me but it didn't lift me up which is something he is so good at. I guess this book would be of most inspiration to those new to the idea that materialism, power and celebrity are superficial things...

I think most of Paulo Coelho's books are like carrots and this one is more like a stick....

Treasures in My Cupboards (Part 2)

So to many this might seem a treasure trove and indeed these craft resources are but as I cleared them away and reorganised them I found a box hidden behind. It was covered in dust and had not been moved r opened for a long, long time.

My Great-grandfather, my Grandfather and my Dad were all printers. My Dad was the last in this line and when he retired all the tools of his life went with him. This box represented the small portion of these I had kept, my mementoes from my families livelihood of generations.

First I came across an envelope. It was full of cards that my Dad had printed. This prompted me to look up Andrew online and I came across his fascinating obituary. I remember him clearly and his paintings. Looking at them now I realise they are from a different era. The London he painted has changed and moved on. You can see one of his pictures here but his work, sadly, seems to be largely forgotten as it is the only one I could find online. He was a lovely man whose personality shows through clearly. Looking at his pictures took me back in time...

Then underneath I came across other things my Dad used. My Dad was an old-fashioned printer. No computers or high-tech. His machines had whirring arms and little suction cups along them to pick up paper. The machines had a rhythm that made you want to dance. Something like this. He set type by hand. I could have taken type away by the ton, different fonts, different sizes - it was all there.

Of course I didn't. I had no idea it would later be of interest to me. I took some large wooden blocks of letters and punctuation marks, a small set of metal type in one font, some blocks of varying sorts and some decorative elements.

The blocks were pieces commissioned for regular use or were pictorial. Companies would have a block made of their logo for instance and it would stay with the printer for use whenever they had something printed. I have some company logos, crests, pictures, that sort of thing.

The decorative elements are things like border pieces. I have a lovely wooden case with little blocks you can use to build up borders. I also discovered a small bag with decorative type, most smaller than a cm squared. These will be used for adding printed elements to my art and will remind me of where I come from every time I use them.

I also have heavy metal frames type was set in and all sorts of spacers and things with which the type was set within the frame. Some of the pieces could be expanded to hold the type in place.

Of course looking at this wonderful treasure trove, I wish I had kept more. How much should we ever hold on though? If I had more would I appreciate it as much? I kept a representative sample....

Treasures in My Cupboards (Part 1)

Today I decided to sort out my craft materials and the area I use. Accumulating papers and paints had altered the balance of my stacking draw units. Some draws overflowed and others were not well used. Stuff was overflowing off my table. I needed some room!

I guess it might seem odd that I have so much craft material. I mean I am after all a science geek only recently come to their creativity who works in a warehouse. Have I bought all this since starting soul journaling a few weeks back? Or did I already have it all there, sitting, waiting the day it might be used...

I have decided to share a painful piece of my recent past.

A while back, i decided to train as a Primary school Teacher. I desperately wanted to show little children all the fun and wonderful things in the world. I wanted to make them love learning. I wanted them to see the fun in science, the wonder in the world, the elegance of math.

I knew it would be a hard course and I was prepared. I worked and I worked and I worked. but I didn't make it. It wasn't my work, it was my personality. I loved the kids and they loved me. I had great ideas and sometimes I could teach them well. The problem was I am too laid back to stay on top of classroom discipline. I am not charismatic enough to lead a class of children. I can manage well enough but leading is another thing entirely and I just don't have it.

This didn't become clear until relatively near the end. It just wasn't going to happen. To do it, I would have to completely alter who i was and I couldn't do that, I mostly like who I am.

We had college classes on each subject area. This included art where we drew objects with oil pastels, experimented with pencil lines and made papier mache masks. In design and technology we looked at mechanisms in paper such as hinges, sliders and levers as well as textiles. In english we used animation to tell stories and looked at childrens books and poetry.

Trainee teachers can use the resources of the schools they are in for their lessons but in practice they end up buying a lot of things themselves in most schools. Or at least I did. By the end of the year I had bought (invested) in quite a lot of stuff. Things I thought I would make use of in my professional career.

I guess the course opened something in me. I understand children much, much better and would love to be a Mother. It also bought me back to subjects I left behind long ago such as Art and English. It also left me with all sorts of things I wouldn't have normally bought... sequins and fluffy balls, films and glitter, pipe cleaners and scoobies, chalks and pens, acrylics and brushes... I could go on.... It's amazing how much you can pick up cheaply when you have a bursary and are looking in the right places....

Giving the Goddess Form

I know Little Dog still has her story to be told but today is not a dog day... Today has been a Goddess crafting sort of a day.

It began with a pack of epoxy putty stuff. You get two sticks and you mix them together until both colours are firmly mixed. It is sticky and odd stuff which I thought would be a little more like clay. It is harder to join two pieces together neatly although you can sand it and file it and cut it once it is harder. It took a long time to mix and then when I had I found it hard to model myself a little Goddess statue.

I wanted a fairly neolithic looking Mother Earth Goddess so I guess I am not far off then. She is a little blobby statue with the suggestion of a figure and arms. She has a very crude mouth but no eyes. I feel that all Gods and Goddesses are aspects of broader unknowable energies. These could be called Mother earth or Father Sky or any number of names. Because of this the Goddess I venerate mostly highly is this fundamental one who can have all faces and none. I have not felt drawn to a particular aspect as yet.

In the end I was quite pleased with her and I set her on my hearthstone to set next to my large white vanilla scented candle. To be honest I really like her there and she will probably stay. So one of my shrines / altars is growing. I have three, or rather I will have three. One in my kitchen with my hearthstone, large candle and little terracota Goddess. A second in the lounge around my electric fire with sits in a more traditional fireplace with slate hearthstone. This one has a bowl which currently contains nuts, pine cones and clove stuffed oranges. The oranges will be removed soon. It also had some daffodils but they have gone now to. The third was the one I intended to create first.

On the landing I have a small table that is unusually tall. I have painted my silk scarf to sit on it. I shall leave it out on Imbolc Eve to be blessed by the Goddess Bride. Above this table I have hung a mask I made at a class using papier mache. It is a feminine sort of a mask in blue. I have also hung my llewelyns calendar alongside. I have some cards I intend to stick up around the shrine to. I want to buy a new deck and hope to get the druid plant oracle. They will sit on this table so each morning I can draw a card for guidance. I currently do this with my tarot but I do not feel this best suits my current deck.

The second Goddess figure I have been working on will be made from papier mache. In papier mache you cobble together a base which has the rough shape you desire and then add the strips of paper over the top. I have finished the frame consisting of wire, card, toilet roll tubes and masking tape but I couldn't find any liquid glue. She stands tall and elegant waiting her paper covering. She shall then be decorated with threads and paper tissue and glitter. But again she has no features on her face but she may well get some hair.

The third figure I worked on today is this one.

This is my Brideog. A Brideog is a traditional small Bride doll made for Imbolc to be looked after. i made her with some peacock blue green raffia I had. I then twisted some silver edged white ribbon I had around her torso. I had some fluffy white thread that I used to wrap round her ankles, waist and arms. Upon her waist I secured two of the white shells I had found that had holes near the top. I had also found a shell with a larger hole which she wears around her neck. These shells came from Holywell Bay.

It is traditional to put the Brideog in a bed. I found a white dish into which I placed some nice comfy and warm blue fleece. I wrapped a smaller piece of this with a scrap of blue green rough silk to make a pillow. Having laid her in her bed I covered her up with a nice piece of white satin and tucked it in. She is all ready to put out tomorrow night now. I haven't quite decided which shrine to place her at. The kitchen shrine with it's link to fire and warmth? The lounge shrine by the true fireplace of the house? Or the as yet unstarted shrine on the landing?

I have many other plans and ideas for my shrines but I suspect it may be some time, if ever, before I consider them finished!

Little Luxuries

Last night was a luxury. No blog to write. No food to cook. No F around.... 2 hours of not having anything to do until i had to pick F and his pasty delivery up. I had been thinking about this time all day at work. How to use it, what i really wanted to do with it, how to savour it...

I decided to continue with the painting og my scarf which will go on my shrine upstairs on the landing. The scarf was looking a little sad, all white with occasional black or silver lines. I had no idea what silk paints would be like to use and so knew that my scarf would probably be best if I didn't have a fixed idea in my head.

I had four colours of paint, purple, light blue, dark blue and emerald green. I decided to do the Goddess three moon symbol in the middle in the emerald green and azure blue. As I dabbed the colours on I created a blotchy effect and this has resulted in the symbol looking like planet earth from space. This symbolism pleased me and I shall have to think on this further.

I did the edges in dark blue and outlined the symbol in the dark blue as well. I then filled in the rest with the purple. I discovered that the drying paints form tidemarks if wet paint encounters dry paint. I discovered that flicking water causes an interesting splotchy effect on wet paint. I discovered flicking water at dry paint does nothing. Any proper silk painter would be able to look at my scarf and know instantly that I had no idea what I was doing... I think this adds to the scarf and it's look somehow... The colours are so lovely that what you do with them seems almost immaterial...

I have another scarf and a design in mind. I imagine that the things I have learnt will show on my next one. The design is more complicated. There will be more lines for the paint to sit between. This should take away some of the blotchiness as it means you have more time to paint the scarf as a whole. The scarf itself soaks up the paint and it spreads slowly across. Without the lines of gutta you could not make any sort of design with ease.... Of course in some places I may want the tidemarks and blotches, but it will be my choice...

I would love if I ever have kids of my own to find a frame a stretch a piece of silk across it like a canvas. I would then give them a tube of gutta to draw on a design or a doodle or a swiggle. I would then give them a handful of bright silk paints and a brush. These bright colours would react so well to a childs most impressionistic efforts. The way the paint spreads and fills space is forgiving of poor coordination and inability to paint close to the lines. What a lovely present this would be for a granny... Just make sure they are wearing black first...

I shall post a photo at the weekend (or thereabouts) so you can have a look...

Tangerine Dreams

I love to catch up with my e-life. I love reading the blogs I follow. Some I follow anonymously as I am not sure how they would feel about such a pagan link. Others I follow publicly. All give me so much. There is a community here which I am part of. It even has community events. One one of which I posted about earlier. Another we are starting... Word Wednesday! A small group of us are starting this and we shall write or show photos of our chosen word each Wednesday and this Wednesday our word is door... (if the idea of Word Wednesday came from someone else I am sorry and hope you don't mind us borrowing. I have a feeling I might have but my memory is so awful i haven't a clue...)

Poetry... I still haven't written my element poems. Or done much towards this months areas from 'A Witch Alone' and this month ends on the new moon. I haven't done the last weeks meditation for my hearth craft class. I haven't finished painting my scarf for my shrine. I haven't finished the wire frame for my Goddess papier mache thing to go on my kitchen shrine. I haven't started my Goddess collages. I haven't finished cleaning up my kitchen. I have a pile of unread books.

And every time I read more I come away with more ideas. Oh a bell branch that sounds nice. Hmm you have driftwood covered in charms above your bed, what do I have above my bed, nothing, hmm. I have some blank wall there. I have these bits of paper... they make pens that write on glass, what could I do with them?

I achieved very little this weekend beyond a shopping trip mostly spent watching S try to choose computer games. I did however buy, not just my moon journal but some terracota sculpting clay stuff (neolithic style Goddess statue and maybe an altar plate or some runes), two packs of threads (maybe the Goddesses dress, maybe some bead weaving), a pack of fabric scraps (no ideas - yet), some bells and green wool (bell branch) and some milkthistle complex.

My list of things doesn't depress me. These are things I want to do and will enjoy doing. What I do find sad is that so much of the time, I just don't feel like doing much. I felt so tired this weekend and this is at odds with the surge of creativity I feel nurtured within my e-life. But right now this is not an issue... I am tired and warm and snug. I have big dog nestled on my feet. I am about to go to bed. I am content and well fed. Rigth now there is no issue. Just time to dream of all the things I want to do, could do and might do. Life really isn't so bad, in fact it is pretty good... Night Night....

Izzy, Wizzy, Let's Get Busy!

My card this morning was the Green Man. This card is all about obstacles, tests and challenges. When I receive this card I always wonder if I shall pass or fail the test.

I began the day by putting the gutta on my silk scarf. This is a thicker paint which acts as a border for the coloured silk paints. I chose to do the three moon symbol for the Goddess in silver and some little spiraly swirls in black. The spirals will act as a more subtle way of varying the denisty of the colour I hope... I then had to leave it to dry. The scarf looks pretty dull right now.

It was then time for F to go and pick up S. I had hoped we could go down to an area called the Lizard so I could hunt for a hearthstone in a cove. I had a choice at that moment, do I dash for five minutes to get out of the house or do I let this Sunday be like any other Sunday with S - all about food and computer games. I chose to dash about and a little while later the three of us landed at Gunwalloe Church Cove.

This is an unusual part of the Cornish coastline. Two small coves have been eating in at a headland so they they have nearly created a island and the land that separates them is relatively low lying. On this land there is a church built on the site of an ancient hermitage from the times when pilgrams first brought Christianity to Cornwall. One name for this church is the church of storms.

We first visited Dollar Cove with is a rocky cove and I found myself a hearthstone and several little stones that are using me as a stepping stone to their new home. As we left the cove I left the hearthstone by the entrance and decided that if it was still there when we returned then it was supposed to be mine.

We continued on and came to the church and for the first time we looked round the graveyard. This contained some beautiful graves, an ancient celtic cross and a statue of a saint. We were surprised to find the church open and found a haven. The church was small but peaceful. Looking into the eaves of the relatively low ceiling, the wood looked like the upturned hull of a boat and was probably created by carpenters more familiar with boat building. The simple carvings felt quite pagan and very much reflected the natural world with flowers, fruits and seeds in abundance.

As we left the church it became apparent that the second cove, Gunwalloe Church Cove was more hazardous despite being a little more sheltered. This cove has one thing mostly missing at Dollar Cove - sand, and the wind was whipping it up so that it scoured bare skin. The winds were strong today and the sea rough but despite this there was a dog racing into the waves after a stick.

As the menfolk walked on ahead, I took a moment to ask the wind to blow my fear and discontentment from me and leave only peace and contentment. It felt appropriate and brought a smile to my face and no other present on that beach would have known of my simple attempt at a magic working. Even if they had, I am not sure they would have considered it very magical.

We returned over the dunes to where my stone was waiting to return home with me.

I have more to write about today but if I stay up any later I shall struggle at work.... If this was my test for the green man, then I would hope that I passed and that the walk had been the right choice. It is also very possible that my test came later and that I failed...

A Bad Workman....

Having only recently started practicing I really don't have much in the way of tools as yet. I may be making things hard for myself but if they are for use in celebrating my faith then I want them to be the best I can make, buy or find. I would rather make them as I feel they then have more of me in them, even if this means they are of lower quality. Finding old things without current purpose and adapting them to what I want is the next best option and the option I like least is buying some ready made tool.

At the moment I have a few cheap glass night light holders and a big candle and that is about it. No cauldron, no bell, no wand, no athame, nothing. I am not comfortable with having machine made tools and want my tools to be as 'natural' as possible. I have a plain bowl I have used to put a few things in which acted as a cauldron for now but the tool I really feel is missing is an athame.

The books I have say that the athame is used for casting the circle and this is the first step. I thought about using a kitchen knife but it felt very wrong. I looked at quite a few athame's online and all the normal knifey metaly ones just didn't do it for me. I looked further and came across a place that supplies blank parts to be filed but I don't currently have the skills or tools for this. Then I found stone and wood athame's like these. The price is however a little out of my league right now. I also found some on this blog (look in the photo albums) and they are truly, truly beautiful and made by someone who leaves relatively near me. I like copper the most of all the metals I think.

Before people had metal they used to make knifes and spear tips etc from stone, mostly flint. Knapping flint is a bit of a lost art and there is little flint to be found near me. There is plenty of other stone and sources seem to agree that athame's don't have to be sharp. Half formed ideas of finding a lump of slate jumped to my mind...

A few nights back we walked on the beach after the sun had set and at first it was light enough to see the stones. A lot of them had been worked flat by the sea. I picked some up and let them go. One didn't leave my hand and came home with me. It is fatter at one end than the other and is triangular in shape. The fat end fits comfortably in my hand and with my hand closed only the pointy end can be seen sticking out about 2 inches at most. I like it and hope it will work well with me. If it doesn't then those lovely copper athame's will still be there.... I need to think further on whether to leave it as it is or add to it in some way.

As to other things, I want to set up a shrine. Upstairs on my landing I have a small but high table which used to live in my Dad's factory and has probably been with my family a while. Today I bought a long plain white silk scarf to act as a shrine cloth that falls down to the sides without covering the front and back of the table. I also bought black and silver gutta which is used to paint solid lines that act as barriers to the silk paint and some silk paints. This is not something I have tried before!

I also got some cheap newsprint paper for papier mache and maybe some touch drawing. I made a papier mache mask on a course which will go on the wall above my shrine. It is a mask for holding in the hand rather than wearing and is oversized. I want to make masks for Montol for next year among other things... Not sure what yet!

I like crafts and want to expand my repertoire...