Tonight I am grumpy. I am tired and in the midst of my moontime and I am sat in a lone with no chocolate and I am hungry. F cooked a lovely meal but forgot to cook any rice or other carbs to go with it. He had some crackers but gave himself most of them (he would dispute this). He then went out to play footie and afterwards he is off to the pub cos it is their last night of playing (nothing to do with St Paddy's Day, honest).
Of course, rationally I know that I have no real reason to be grumpy with F, but I am. I bought him a bar of chocolate this morning before work and bought it back to the house for him (OK so I also knew I had to come back and pick up my swipe card, but hey). Why do men have to be so good at accepting these little gestures but so bad at making them? If I want something, I tell him and generally I get it, problem is I want a little romantic gesture that I don't have to tell him to make.
But then again this is just me grumping, again, still.
I guess the real reason I am grumpy is because I don't want to be tired. I am fed up of being tired. I seem to have been tired forever. For half my life. I don't know how to stop being tired, at least not altogether. I know I have made progress but on a night like tonight when I am facing a real busy few days and I won't get to do anything I want for ages, I don't want to be tired and not get to do anything fun.
I had glandular fever (mono?) when I was fourteen and took a couple of years to recover. Then I got it again at 19. I tried to keep going this time and failed and all I did was make myself worse. It took me 4 years to get back to studying but I did. I used to go to college and come home and have a nap. I used to nap at the weekend. Slowly, over time the naps have become less and less. But I still sleep a lot.
My body seems to be telling me it needs a little less right now as I keep waking an hour earlier than I needed. Somehow my head isn't keeping up.
I feel as if I have slept half my life away and to be fair, I pretty much have.
Is it wrong to sometimes feel a little grumpy about such things? Is it wrong to get grumpy when my body starts to flake out at the end of the day? Luckily I have a man who understands it isn't personal. Of course, he had to learn the hard way that when I say I want to go to bed, I mean I have to go to bed right now this second and any minute you mess about and delay my sleeping is going to increase my grump factor exponentially. There is a simple solution to this, don't delay my going to bed and creep in a little later when I am out for the count.
I want to go to my craft things and make something but I have a headache and they are all upstairs. Maybe I will, maybe I will go the other way at the top of the stairs and head to bed instead.
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