Sometimes I feel like I tempt fate. Sometimes I feel like I make things bad. Me. Myself.
I was happy, truly happy and content. The day after I had to have my lovely Big Dog put down.
Ever since then my finances have been dire. I can not manage them for toffee. I spend. I am a ditz with a card. One little charge caused by a huge vets bill sets me over the edge and charge after charge follows. How much money has the bank swallowed for itself the last three weeks?
Truth is I have no idea, I keep such bad track of it. I think oh it will be OK now and get tempted by some new papers or paint or tools as I get my lunch. Doing this once a week is fine but if you start doing it every day. I have more craft supplies than I could use in a year while working full time.
Thing is, I only needed to spend one week being good and then it will be alright. Can I do this? No. Cos I don't keep track of things.
T o make things worse we still haven't brought a new fridge freezer so we have to shop every day for food. Lunch is a cheap meal if you buy bread and make fillings but without a fridge...
Thing is I am so cross and frustrated by myself. i know I ranted about not bringing out my shadow self and since then my shadow self has been running riot through my blog singing 'I shall have a voice! I shall! I shall! I shall!'
Ugh! What am I like? I need some discipline.... Quite a lot of it really....
Particularly as they are about to give me a contract at work and I shall go from weekly to monthly pay.......
Working hard on the cottage
10 months ago
Again, it must be something in the air!! I made a solemn vow to myself at the New Year to be Ever So Good but....I had to overstep my boundaries one week last month (for some valid reason that I can't remember) and now...well....I have to start all over again.
ReplyDeleteStill, its also a time when I have to really, really work hard to focus on abundance and to recgonize that abundance isn't always a reflection of my bank balance - its getting sucked into the scarcity trap that tends to perpetuate my bad feeling which then results in resignation which then results in "I'll buy this and it will make me feel better"..its a vicious cycle.
Ugh! And the change in pay period is a killer...I used to always get paid weekly and then when I started where I am now, it's twice a month which wreaked havoc with my budget. I can only imagine monthly is worse!!
((hugs))
P.S. and the Shadow DOES have a way of being heard...whether we like it or not!! *grin*
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