It would be lovely to be able to come on here and talk about my fantastic Yule ritual but unfortunately that isn't going to happen. Maybe starting out as a Wiccan is easier in a coven, you have other people to help raise the energy and you don't have to remember or write all the lines yourself.
I haven't written poetry since I was at school and so I am still using others writings for my rites or making something up on the spot (or slightly after the spot). Unfortunately I have an atrocious memory so I find myself having to pick up the book to remind myself. I also have to look and see what I have to do next. This means that instead of relaxing into the ceremony I just end up feeling more and more tense and miserable as it goes on.
Then there is my equipment.... I have a few little tealight holders, some tealights, a stone, incense and a large candle. I don't have an altar, altar cloth, wand, athame, cauldron, bell or chalice. I want beautiful things full of meaning on my altar which means one of two things: a lot of money or a lot of time and skill making things. It could be a long time before I have an altar full of tools.
I suppose I did have a cauldron of sorts on my floor last night. I had a bowl with three pine cones, three clove covered oranges and three apples with clove patterns. I can see the bowl now as I write, in the fireplace surrounded by bay and jasmine. I would like to have had holly and ivy as well but I have neither in my garden. I know where to find both but I am unsure about taking living plants from nature. I even intend to return the pine cones.
I enjoyed my herb filled purifying bath (I always enjoy a nice bath) and I enjoyed making and sleeping with a solstice herb pillow after my ceremony (filled with mugwort, catnip, chamomile, hops, frankincense, myrrh, nutmeg, cloves and lavender). But the actual ceremony? It felt dead and awkward and the only person who can change that is me. I need to write my own ceremonies with fewer words so that I can relax into the ceremony. Maybe if I use the same words to call the elements and the deities each time, I will eventually become at ease with them!
Can a solo ceremony ever compete with the feeling left by something on the scale of Montol? I don't know but I shall keep going. Even if I continue to spill hot wax on my hand, lose the matches and forget my words!
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